Day One of 4th of July Challenge - VLCD1

After loading weigh-in: 251.5lbs, I GAINED 6 POUNDS LOADING!!!

So I'm back on the P2 wagon, using my HCG pellets from www.gfchealthproducts.info, and Hubby is doing this round with me, he gained almost 7 pounds!!! And I swear I ate more than him, because he kept eating until he felt sick and the HCG seemed to be working on his hunger better than mine.

Now I'm trying to keep cravings at bay, I'm not hungry but I just want to sit around and stuff my face. So I'm going to be online alot this round, because I have to stay POP (perfectly on protocol), which means NO CHEATING AT ALL.
I hate loading mostly because it ruins my whole mindset and makes it really hard to get back to dieting, loading you have to eat all oyu can and that makes the first few days/weeks of VLCD hard because you have to reset your thinking back to "no you're not hungry - you don't need to eat".

So now I have to get back into my anorexic mindset, "Fat-ass, you don't need that food, you're in control, not the cravings, suck on some ice or something!"

Apidexin Day 4

First day without Dextoxufree. I'm actually up a pound today, but I'm not worried about it because it's due to a giant bowl of $7 ramen I had yesterday at this little ramen place. It wasn't even that great (made by white poeple is why) so I'm kind of ticked about the pound, but I'm not worried about it!

I didn't take my Apidexin until like 11:30am, I was getting hungry so I decided to take it, and now (1:00pm), I'm not hungry at all and I was going to eat like an hour ago, but I forgot.
This pill would be awesome if I were anorexic lol. And I probably wouldn't eat at all right now if I didn't know that I realllly need food and if I don't eat my body will just hold onto the fat more! I DON'T WANT MY BODY TO KEEP THE FAT! So I'm going to go have some lunch. Nothing fancy, probably an orange and maybe some chicken, or pasta salad (no mayo).

I've ordered my HCG pellets from www.gfchealthproducts.info, and Jo and I are either loading this weekend or next Monday and Tuesday, since we're both stabilized (minus my ramen incident). So hopefully we'll be having a LOADING POOL PARTY/FATTY POTLUCK!
I sooo love summer, and I really need some sun, I'm a flipping ghost!

P3 Starts Tomorrow - Ordered My Apidexin

I've completely given up on this entire round. I am back to my starting weight of 249. I'm not changing my tickers because I'm hoping it will help me to stay focused on getting back down there.

I just ordered my Apidexin diet pills last night, and because of the holiday weekend, and tomorrow being the holiday (Memorial Day), I won't be expecting the pills until at least Thursday-Saturday.
So for the next few days I'm going to be impatiently waiting for them to arrive, and hopefully I'll be stabilized by then and then with the Apidexin I'll be able to lose some more weight this summer, at least getting down to 225-210 if I'm lucky. I expect maybe down to 230 for the first bottle and 210 with the second if losses don't slow too much.

After summer, around August, I'll start the hCG diet again, this time I'm going to try hCG pellets, so homeopathic "hcg". I'm very skeptical of "homeopathic hcg" for the pure fact that it's NOT actual hCG. It's a mix of different herbs and whatever that's supposed to make your body make its own hCG.
My friend Cat is using Intermountain Hcg's pellets and they've been working awesomely for her so far. Hardly any hunger and great losses. So I'm really interested in it. I'm probably going to go with www.gfchealthproducts.info because I can get 3 bottles (40 days each) for $50, instead of at www.intermountainhcg.comwhere you get 2 bottles (40 days each) for $50. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet, but I have a couple of months to decide, and those two places are the cheapest I've seen. Some people want upwards of $60/bottle! Yeah sorry I'm fat and poor, I don't want to spend $60 for 1 1/2 months when I can get 5 months for $50! Sometimes I wonder where people get their common sense rom, mainly because they don't have any!

So that's where I'm at now, just about to start stabilizing and then back on the diet track with better food options for the summertime!
And after summer, I'll be back to major restrictions and hcg. Hopefully I wont hav the problems I had with this round. I think when my hCG froze on the way to my dad's a couple of weeks ago, it basically died and lost potency.
In short, this round has been completely horrible for me, I've never had any problems or hunger or anything while on hCG until this round and I tried my hardest, even with the unnatural hunger pains, to keep to the protocol and my plan, but sometimes it's just not meant to be. So I lost a few weeks of my weight loss, I'll just try to make up for it later on, and I sitll plan to make goal by early next year.
My goal I guess is to lose at least 120lbs in the next 8 months, which is January.
People have done it before so I feel like it's a reasonable goal, especially since it's only 15lbs/month. I can do 15lbs each month, that should be easy enough.....I hope. =)

VLCD12

I haven't been keeping track of the vlc days actually, I've been pretty much overeating (dietwise), well not really "overeating" persay, but eating off protocol and off plan, crackers, cheese, a little pasta.
Like I said, I lost 2.5 from last Monday's food choices, and after that I fell off course and stalled and yesterday gained .5lb.
But yesterday I ate pretty much the same as Monday, and this morning I'm down 1.5lb (1 if you don't count yesterday's gain).
I am 21lbs from 225 and approximately at the weight I was when I went in for my first Dr's appt when I was pregnant. So the weight I was at about 3 months pregnant.
There's a nice hurdle to overcome I think. And it only took 2 years to get off. Lol 10lbs from diet and exercise that I gained back, and off from on and inbetween hCG.
I am one pound from my next mini-goal of 245lbs!
Mini-goals are nice because you're not freaking out about how fast you're getting to your ultimate goal.

I've decided to try Apidexin over the summer months (June/July) and in August I plan on doing more rounds of hCG, until I make it to goal, hopefully next year sometime. I'm hoping next summer 2012 to be comfortable in a two-piece swimsuit, God-willing my stretch marks aren't horrible and I don't have a lot of extra skin.
Also, next year I'm hoping to reinstate our yearly family vacation to Laughlin, NV for 4th of July.
Wish me lots of luck!

Apidexin is a fat burner that's supposed to help you burn fat while building lean muscles. It has a very high review rate, with only a few people not having results. Keep in mind that those people rarely kept on it for more than 3 days to a week. Anyone with half a brain knows that you have to wait three days to a week just for the substance to circulate in your system and allow your body to get used to it.
On average it has about the same rate of weight loss as hCG, the only difference is you're allowed to eat food with the pills, but with hCG you at least know you're losing the right kind of fat.
Did I mention Apidexin has a money back guarantee for one open bottle and any amount of unopened bottles? If I don't like it and it doesn't work I just send it back!

So that's where I stand today, I have a lot of ideas and I'm kind of proud to finally be serious about finally getting read of this overpadded body.
I'm just glad I'm not "ROUND" FAT I'm just "thick all over" FAT.

I will try to find some thinspiration, because I feel like if I don't look at thinspiration then I fall off track a lot easier. It's easy to lose sight of your goals sometimes.

I LOVEEE GINA GERSHON!
She's so bad-ass and beautiful..


And her Showgirls co-star Elizabeth Berkley
(I love that movie)


And some randoms...




My Bestie Reina when she was skinny:

She's the one who told me her friend lost tons with hCG.

I love this girls legs, I want to be able to wear bright ass tights! lol


Hello future legs =P

Vlcd3

I am at the same weight as yesterday, which I'm thinking is very good because I ate a lot of stuff yesterday that's not OP (on protocol), like Honey Nut Cheerios and steel cut oats. Not to mention half of an egg salad sandwich, steak, spinach, bread...
I was having some personal sweage problems and after trying everything to fix it (food wise), I had my bf get me a laxative and now everything is right as rain and I didn't gain any weight. If anything at least I'm maintaining well lol.

Today I'm back to my protein shakes and oranges. Hopefully the oranges will keep me regular, my stomach has never felt so shitty, ever.
No pun intended.

Here is some thinspiration:
(I know you people against things like this are going to have a cow, but everyone needs inspirations, especially on a diet when they're a foodie lol.)

R3D1 LOAD

250 today, which is ok because its within the 2lbs allowed to maintain.
Loading today and back on hCG, starting VLC tomorrow, using protein shakes and fruit in place of meat meals.
I actually love my protein shakes, I feel like I get more variety aswell, because I can add pretty much anything (fruits, & flavors [like cocoa powder]). I have Body Fortress 100% Whey, in vanilla flavor, for one scoop it's 26g of protein. And it's yummy, sweet enough on its own but I add Truvia when I have slightly sour strawberries, or when I make a chocolate shake with my cocoa powder.
I think I might switch out my daily piece of bacon for a tabelspoon of coconut oil, for my fat intake (because the fat seems to soothe my stomach if I feel sick from my vitamins). And it sometimes helps losses.

So I've been thinking about weight loss, and how I seem to be getting addicted to it.
I'm also thinking how easy it seems to be to switch between eating disorders (EDs), like I'm sure at some point (probably still) I have an OED (over-eating disorder).
I'm finding it amazing how I can be going from over-eating to practically eating nothing (compared to most people), without noticing/feeling a difference besides the fact that if I eat too much I get sick.
And I LOVEEEE seeing the numbers on the scale just DROP.
I love knowing that its completely possible that I will be 140lbs lighter in just about a year. (Less if I lose at the rate I'm hoping for - .5-1lb/day)
140 pounds! That's an entire person! (who's probably overweight)
Its the best motivation besides looking at pictures of skinny people and being like, "I am so going to be that skinny". Or at some of them I'm even like wow she's fat, I'm going to be skinnier than her. AND KNOW ITS POSSIBLE. Plus, I'm very excited that unlike so many people, I'm not going to be starving myself to get there.

So I went from fat chick to weight loss addict, and I'm almost afraid I'm never going to be skinny enough to be happy. I feel like I'm always only going to see myself at this weight, or rather, the weight I was before the 23lbs I lost. Hell, I still remember when I was 17 and like 290lbs! I know I will never actually look my real weight, I'll always technically look smaller because I'm built well, but I still just see the numbers.

Part of my obsession for losing weight has to be because of going clothes shopping.
There's nothing in the world (for me) that's worse than going to a store and trying on EVERYTHING that looks even close to decent, only to find out nothing in the store will even go on (pants-wise), or that my leg's going to get stuck right after I get my calf through the thigh part of the pant leg, even though the waist would fit fine.
There's nothing more depressing than having to cry in a dressing room because you can't fit into anything and you never will.
Hell, heartbreak is easier to go through. At least heartbreak is normal.


Anyways those are my thoughts for today.
I feel like no-one thinks to remember that being fat is a disease and over-eating is a disorder.
Eating disorders aren't just for skinny people, and they don't all mean you're starving yourself to death. You can also eat yourself to death.
Luckily for me, food wasn't my only addiction and fat wasn't my only problem.
And disorders and addictions just rotate to fit your brains way of thinking; when you're fat you want to be skinny, but think you never will be so you eat more out of depression and hopelessness; when you're skinny you think you should be skinnier so you eat less and less or nothing at all.
There was always something underlying that made you that way in the first place. Abuse, depression, addiction, and striving for perfection due to those factors, because all make you feel hopeless, unwanted, and ugly.


We're all in it together and we should all support each other.


Will update tomorrow on how my load day went, and I will be very happy to get back to 500cals/day!
I feel like I've been stuffing myself all week to maintain my weight at 249.
I am starting to hate food. Everything I eat feels too dense and like it just sits around in my stomach like a blob. Like I ate too much, even though my meals are now to like 300-400 cals, which is normal for a 1200cal/day diet.

P3D4

.5 gain, no biggie because its beneath 2lbs seeing as how I'm supposed to be maintaining.
Today I've had around 1220 calories.
I had beef fajitas, (a small piece of pizza), protein shake w/cocoa and strawberries, and part of a salad with a piece of bacon.

I've also been exercising (shape up on the wii and my wave/videos) these past couple of days. My legs hurt buy I love to exercise its fun. And I have one more week of P3 to exercise more until P2 again.

Will finish writing later.
I'm being forced to go to my boyfriend's friend's house in north scottsdale.

Ok - 3 hours later -
So I ate a chocolate chip cookie, but that's all, which is good because they had pizza and chips everywhere. No question why that girl is overweight, everything at her house is either prcoess or sugar. At least she has a boyfriend now, that kind of wanes my thoughts of her being a stripper/hooker, now she's just a stripper. (I don't mean that badly, it's her job, even if she graduated from college and is still doing it...)

Actually I've been talking to my boyfriend, I might take some of those *lap dance exercise classes* and be a stripper when I get skinny. His friend (the aforementioned stripper) makes up to $3k/night! Hell yes! I could send my son to that Chinese speaking daycare we wanted and when he's old enough - PRIVATE SCHOOL! And I can go to any college I can get into (within means).
Its an exciting thought, especially when you weren't. Brainwashed into thinking all strippers are dirty trash whores. There are a LOT of NICE NICE clubs out there. (With RICH RICH guys) and most don't allow complete nudity anymore.

So now I'm hunkering down on the couch, watching Numb3rs (I'm almost done with all the seasons/episodes on Netflix). David Krumholtz is so cute, I've had a crush on him since the first Santa Clause came out, but he definitely looks cuter when he has longer hair. I have a thing for "Jew Hair" on guys lol.

I must be good on drinking my water since I've been running to the bathroom all night.
I'll exercise when I start to feel tired so I stay awake today. I'm tired of sleeping in the day time.

P3 D1

Right, well, I feel like a mega fatass. I totally binged on pizza.
I ate 2 little chicken things (574cal total), 2 pieces of bacon (50cal total), half a tuna sand (100cal), and half of a cheese pizza (1180cal, yeah yeah not p3 I know bite me you goodie goodie).
I probably won't gain anything tomorrow, but from now on I'm just going to up my protein shakes and add fruits and veggies.
My stomach is hurting sooooo bad right now. I feel like puking.
I'm never eating that much ever again!

I was at same weight today as yesterday so that's good, now I just have to keep it there.

I can't wait to start P2 again on the 16th.

vlcd16

Well I'm still only down 10lbs, but that's because I've been bad about sticking to protocol friendly foods. (Like pizza)
But, I'm not planning on letting that week slow me down. I only gained 2lbs and then stalled and lost those 2lbs.
So here I am, checking in, I've been checking out tons of thinspiration, trying to keep my eyes on the goal, and I know that I really need to focus and make sure I don't screw up, I'm already 20lbs down, only another 130 to go lol.
Through some of the thinspiration, I've seen before and afters of girls who have done it in less than a year, so I know it's possible if I keep my head in the game.

4 more days of P2 and I can't decide whether to keep going or do P3 and back to P2 again before July.
I'm hoping to get to size 18 by july, it would be nice to fit in my old pants again.

vlcd8 -2.5

Yesterday I didn't lose anything, this weekend I lost 1lb (due to cheating because of a bad hubby that brings home food from work)
By rights I shouldn't have lost anything, I ate a Reuben sandwich yesterday, but I skipped all of my protein, apparently its ok for me to have a little bit of fat.
One of the girls on my facebook group said she loses better with some fat, maybe I'm the same way?
Oh well, I don't think I'll test that right now.


I've done pretty well with my losses, in 8 days I've lose 10.5lbs after loadinging (2lb) so 8.5 from my original weight.

Its really hard to be a mom on this diet.
I find that most of my nibbles and cheats are from my son's leftovers (that I'm used to eating).
And then I have to feed him 3+ times a day, yummy stuff I would usually eat...like sandwiches. I really miss a good old sandwich lol.

I think I miss sushi the most, and pizza. We used to have pizza a lot and before that, sushi, and I miss the flavors.

Oh well 2 more weeks of vlcds and then p3+p4 where I can eat a little more.

VLCD2 -2.5lbs from vlcd1

This morning I woke up to a nice loss of 2.5lbs! Woohoo!
I never peed so much in my life as I did yesterday.
And I had to skip my vegetables because I don't have any in the house that are on protocol until payday.

Yesterday I had lots of tea sweetened with truvia, and water.
An apple for a noon snack.
Grilled chicken with curry spices for lunch and dinner. (2pm & 8pm)
An apple for 6pm snack
Cauliflower with dinner (only veggie, even remotely close to any protocol, I had)

Today I had lots of tea and water (not as much as yesterday but I'm still running clear lol)
Chicken (same as yesterday @ 2 & 6 this time) with grilled onion (2 slices)
A couple slices of thin ham (97% fat free 20 calories for 2 slices) don't shoot me because it's not on protocol. I honestly needed the flavor.
An orange each at around 5pm and 8pm.

If I stall I'm just going to accept it, I don't think I will because of my lack of vegetable though.

Preload day 2

Lost .5lb!
Thank goodness I'm preloading or that would really tell me that I need to eat more fat. Hopefully when my mom comes tomorrow I'll be able to get some good ol' fats in my system.

Today I ate:
My famous Sonoran scrambled eggs! (Which have scrambled eggs, bacon, chilis, cilantro, onion, lots of oil and ripped up corn torillas)
3 glasses whole milk
Big bowl of cereal with whole milk
Chicken teriyaki stir-fry with cabbage, chilis, cauliflower, cilantro, and onions

I know, not fatty enough but I'm working on it, REALLY!

Tomorrow the real loading begins!

I also took my measurments today:
Bust: 42
Waist: 41.5
Hips: 53

How about I make a goal for that:
Bust: 34
Waist: 27
Hips: 36

Also, I decided my end goal should be 118lbs (19 BMI)
But, for this round my goal is 237lbs (or more if I'm lucky =D)
That's 23lbs to lose in 23days. Wish me luck!

Hello Fatty Foods! (get ready for goodbye)

Starting weight before loading: 260.5

Today I took my first injection of this round. I mixed 3.2ml bac. Water and 1ml vitamin B12 with 5000iu hcg. Taking a daily dose of .15ml for 175iu hcg.

I think the B12 is supposed to help with hunger and sleep, we'll see how that goes.
I didn't get hungry last time and I slept great so maybe it will help with something else. I know I don't get enough vitamins right now I've been slacking, hopefully I will while on tthe diet.

My son is being a monster latel, so that will probably not help when it comes time to eat protocol friendly, but if I can't do it normally I will try vegetarian or drinking extra teas or something.
Hell, maybe I'll go "rogue" and eat extra protien or extra veggies.
Maybe I'll do the 800 cal version if I can't stick to 500. Anyways, I am going to stick to some sort of version of this diet and ride it out and lose some damn weight before summer!

Today I ate:
Chicken salad sandwich
Chicken fried steak
Mashed potatoes with butter and gravy
Corn with butter
Big bowl of cereal
Cheese
Bologna, ham, bacon, tomato, and cheese sandwich

Its not much but I don't want to turn into a cow on my two "pre-load" days (I'm doing an extra two days of loading so I can eat cupcakes at my son's birthday party)

I will try to keep you more informed than last time, hopefully keeping myself on track that way!

Going To Try It Again: This Time Whole-Hearted

Well I obviously didn't last.
Probably for the most part because my diet buddy couldn't last. And then there was the stress of moving to a new apartment. And putting up with all the bullshit in the new place. And Him, who effing drives me insane and I don't know why I'm still with...mostly because I don't feel like getting a job, I like being a mom.
So I'm going to try again. I can't decide whether to do a short round or a long round though.
I have enough for a long round but I don't know if I'm up for the challenge.

Of course I have two weeks to decide.
I'm thinking of starting on the day before my son's birthday party so I can have cake and other stuff with everyone else, and call it loading.
Of course cake will be about the only sugary thing I have. I'm not big on sugar and I need to focus on good fats for loading....
Like cheeeeeeese. o_O <-- Googly eyes =D

So there it all is.
I need motivation.
I need a motive in the first place.

I really need to punch Him in the face for hogging my side of the bed, which I am on the edge of.

Then after I'm done losing weight I'm going to find a good man.
A real man, not a wussy little boy excuse for one.

I should have stuck with cowboys and Marines.
*sigh*

Did I mention I'm also PMSing?

Loading Day #2

So today I took a little less of a dose.
And injecting hurt more than yesterday, I think I did it more at a 90 degree angle this time though...I'll have to experiement with that. Still, it didn't hurt enough to bother me or say it was any sort of pain. More of a pinch. It could be that I didn't let the alcohol from the wipe dry enough too.

Anyways I took a smaller dose to see if it would make me more hungry for my last loading day.
Nope. Still not hungry!
Had to force myself to eat all day.
So far the only thing I can eat a good amount of is Strawberries, which I need to buy more of because I just ran out. Problem is I got them at a great price and I'm almost completely sure they're going to be back to $4/lb. I got them for $1.77! I was amazed honestly.

Tomorrow I start the VCLD or the "insane 500 calorie diet" as some people have called it.
Freaking Twitter people need to stop tweeting and start reading! This is honestly the most healthy "diet" I've ever heard of. And I'm about to find out that it tastes a hell of a lot better too! Homemade food always tastes better than diet food. No matter how healthy it is.

I don't think I'll have any problem only eating 500kcal for the day. My normal amount is around 1100-1200cals a day anyways. And the hCG really takes away your appetite. Well technically its not taking your appetite, it's just eating body fat instead of stuff you shove in your face. Which I am all for!

I'm so excited to start seeing the pounds drop!

Loading Day #1

So yesterday I got the HCG I ordered online. I thought it would take weeks and weeks, but nope, 3 days and they were here. So I'm ready for my short round (23 day) right now, and then in April I'll start a long (43 day) round.

Today I mixed my HCG and took my first subcutaneous injection in my belly fat.
I was super nervous and skiddish about poking myself when it finally came time, but even slow and drawn out, THERE WAS NO PAIN! Maybe a little prick, but it didn't hurt at all!

So far I've just had strawberries and macaroni and cheese, but later I'll have some pizza and a In 'N Out cheeseburger.
I'm not normally hungry anyways, but I think the hCG is already curbing my appetite. It might just be a mental thing though we'll find out once I hit the VLC (very low calorie) days.

I can't wait for loading to be over and to start seeing the scale drop!

BTW - for some reason I've lost 4.5lbs since Sunday? And that's me normally eating and sitting on my butt over the weekend.
Maybe the mindset has kicked in already?
Lol IDK! But, I hope I lose more than 15lbs in these next 23 days!
It would be awesome to get to 250 or less by the time we go to Las Vegas!

Almost Time To Start The Diet!

Today, well yesterday technically, I bought a month's worth of HCG from a lady in my HCG group that lives down here, so I don't have to wait for the stuff I already ordered and I do get to lose weight before we go to Las Vegas!
I've been singing one song since my other stuff got shipped last Thursday:
I'M SO EXCITE AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT duh nuh nuh nuh nuh duh nuh na nuh wa-chow! Lol
Obviously, I am excited.

I've been fat my whole life and I'm finally getting a chance to change that!

This is my first time using the Blogger App to post, so we'll se how it turns out (format-wise). I always use my phone (no computer) but I usually just go to the website.

Anyways back to the diet,
I bought a food scale, and a weight scale, and a little daily "organizer" I'm going to use to basically just jot down my weight everyday, maybe what I eat aswell.
Tried to buy foods from the protocol list that I actually LIKE: chicken, beef, radishes, cucumbers, salad, strawberries, and asparagus. I also bought stevia, grissini, and coconut oil.
I might buy shrimp or crab later. I love crab....

Now I'm just waiting for Aunt Flo to leave so I can start mixing, injecting, and losing these Pounds and Inches!...only 140lbs to go lol.

I really feel like kissing my best friend Rei, lol, she's the one who told me about one of her friends losing a bunch of weight with HCG. Then I went a researched it and fell in love with the idea of finally being able to take the bull by it's horns and shed the pounds!

I'M SO EXCITED, AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT, YEAH!

Asked Dad To Join

Well I talked to my dad today and asked if he would do the hCG diet with me, of couse at the word "diet" he laughed at me and tried to change the subject.
But I persisted and told him he could get down to where he weighed when I was born (22 years ago)! This seemed to get his attention a little and he asked what he would be able to eat, so I told him, "Chicken, beef, green vegetables, and fruit." Well that seemed to be better because he said, "Well as long as I can have steak..." (I didn't tell him it would be a very small steak =D)
So possibly I'll be able to talk him into it further before I start at the end of March.
I also think it would be beneficial to myself because I won't have Omar around whining about the food I make or him eating normal food and junk food when I can't have it. It would just be simpler to be in a household with someone having to eat the same things!

My dad will be 72 years old this year and I think it would be nice if he got down to at least 250 or 240 before his birthday! Maybe we could even have a celebratory birthday party!
More and more ideas pop into my head every second I even so much as get an flash of life with lost weight!

The lowest weight I can remember in my life is 164 in 6th grade!
I want to plow that number into the ground and be a skinny person damnit!
And I'm super happy I finally found a way to achieve my life-long dream.

Now I just have to force my father to join me lol.

Just Ordered

Last night I ordered 45 days worth of HCG.
Which I will receive in hopefully 1-2 weeks.
I'll be starting Dr. Simeons' protocol around March 20th or 21st!
And by summer I should be down at least 25lbs! Yay! (Hoping for more of course, I only have 130 total to lose!)
I will definitely keep updating.