Well today has been a slow and interesting day, now it's almost time for me to get read for school and got take notes for an hour so I re-learn high school mathematics, lol. Honestly, I just like reviewing and it doesn't bother me so much that I'm in a low-level math class, because I get all A's from already knowing what I'm doing, and I get extra help on anything that I do happen to have issues with, like changing decimals to fractions... Which really isn't needed in real life, but it's interesting to know off-hand.
I am on P3, probably until after my birthday or Spring Break, so for another week or two, and then I'll be back on P2 with my friend and we're going to try keeping it together for a 90-day stint. Knowing me I'll probably break that up a bit, or skip every other day of HCG because of tolerance paranoia, but hopefully we'll keep each other in line so we look great in time for Vegas in July.
I think I've discovered something about me that differs from everyone else that's dieting, or at least alot of people. Weight-loss isn't THE most important thing in the world to me as it is to some people. Yes, I would like to lose weight, but I'm not worried about when or how or even IF it happens. I'm not going to die if I don't get to my goal. Onederland would be nice, but I'm not going to freak out if it doesn't happen. I might be disappointed that I've wasted so much money if I don't make it to 130 at least lol, but I'm not going to freak out about it. I've lost 30-40lbs, that's more than most people do in an entire year!
So P3....
Boring boring P3.....
I've been keeping my food to alot of protein and alot of fat, probably more on the fat side, with some carbs here and there, and I'm sticking at my LIW. I don't really have to worry much on P3 as long as I don't go insane with pastas and bread carbs, since I really don't eat sugar at all anyways. I like Fage, coconut milk/cream, fruits, red meat, chicken and veggies like onions and bell peppers and chilies. P3 is always good for me as long as I'm good to my body, but I get bored of it quickly. So I don't know when I am going to start HCG, I should probably wait until after my birthday and start on the 10-11 with a mini load (hcg and regular p3 eating or fat fast), and then VLCD on the 12th - but who knows with me, I'm not great at sticking to actual "date" as plans.
I think I'll try to lose 10lbs over this next week or two just from eating clean and normal no-carb dieting so I can get back to what I got down to 2 rounds ago and start this next round. Either way I need to keep on this break to get my mindset back on so I'm ready to restrict calories again, and maybe do my HCG with the ABC lol.
Oh well, time to get ready, if I think about it I might update eventually lol.
Keep your heads up ladies, it doesn't matter how long your dieting takes, it just matters that you're trying to make it happen.
My Journey Using HCG & Other Weight Loss Methods
I'm always open for help and ideas so don't be afraid to comment!
Showing posts with label weightloss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weightloss. Show all posts
2/29/12
1/24/12
So Tired Of this Sh*&^
I feel... like a FaiLuRe. A FATass FAILURE.
I can't stand myself right now. January has been a total bust. On everything. On everything I want. Nothing helps. I just want to eat CRAP. Not even stuff I would normally eat daily when NOT dieting. Just that complete POISON that floats around everywhere full of corn and corn byproducts. Junk food. Carbs. *sigh* I just can't get my head in the game and it's making me want to give up. Lately I've been saying, "Forget it I'll just be fat forever." Which is stupid. I know how to get the weight off but for some reason fucking CHEETOS and crap are calling me.
You know I hadn't eaten Cheetos in over a year...Over two years even, since I saw "Food Inc." the movie/documentary, so that's probably right around when my son was born in '09.
I just feel like a fatass failure that's never going to amount to anything or get even into ONEderland. It's 44...ok 46.5lbs now, away and I can't even imagine ever getting there. A few months ago I would have been like "Yeah? 46lbs? NO PROBLEM, I'll be there in two months!" Now I'm like, "Ehh, fuck it, I'm just going to stay fat forever." I've given up on everything, I was seriously contemplating marriage and another baby like yesterday and the day before. That's great for some people, but not for me. I don't want to ever get married until I'm in that old people "head over heels" love with gray hair and wine on a rocking chair/porch swing. And as for kids, well one's enough for me until my son can change diapers and keep the little one out of trouble, not to mention babysit. I'm not the marriage type, I want to live. And not vicariously through others. But there I was, thinking about it at least. And that's fine, maybe I will get married and have another baby, but not right at this second, I told myself I would not get pregnant again until I am skinny, so that means if I stay fat I'll never have another kid, ever. EndofStory. *sigh*
So that's obviously not my problem, my problem is that I can't stop eating shit and I've given up on living. Lol. As in I'm having a dieting breakdown and I feel like if I don't lose this weight I'm going to die. If I listened to Dr. Oz I would probably believe that actually. But Dr. Oz is a fucking nincompoop and so it every other TV doctor paid by Oprah and Dr. Phil. (Yes, I read the credits after the shows Dr. McGraw and son.)
I hate how people say (when I tell them I've lost weight), "Aww, that's good so you're trying to get healthy...." NO MOTHERFUCKER, I'M NOT. I'M ALREADY FUCKING HEALTHY. I'm a VAIN BITCH AND I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING ROCKSTAR! That's why I'm losing weight. Because my entire life I've been told "Aww you'd be so pretty if you lost weight." I've finally given in and decided to do it just to rub it in their faces and flaunt my new boobs (which I will buy afterwards) in their faces! With my wonderful Arizona tan that I will go outside and get when I have to body to show that much skin like those hookers at my pool did this past summer. No more fucking "tankini's" for me!
So all that sounds terrific, right? Now all I need to do is get my head in the game and follow through, right? Yeah, well, that would work out stupendously IF I could keep my hands out of the cookie jar, the pasta cupboard, the grocery store.
Life would be so much easier if I had an anti-eating disorder instead of an over-eating disorder. I envy those skinny bitches (the term "bitches" I use lovingly, so it's not mean) and their ability to either avoid food or throw it up, or chew it up and spit it out. If it was that easy for me I would have been done with this diet like ...October or December when I was supposed to be!
If I could just stay on track through summer last year I would have been done. And now I can't get back on track, I can't avoid pasta and pastries. Even though I never really normally ate any of that shit in the first place!
I don't know what to do with myself. I just keep stuffing my face. It's not like my "hubby" helps at all he always says he will be he never stops me when I start shoving cookies in my mouth, he just gives me "the look", his look that tells me I know I'm doing something I shouldn't. But he never opens his mouth and in my mouth the food goes, down into my esophagus to sit on top of all the other crap I've secretly scarfed down that day. Today it was Lindt Lindor truffles, hamburgers, Chinese food, milk and cookies. and I'm sure I'll find something else before bed because I won't stop myself. Not today. I'm counting it as "Loading" and I'll bet every day until I get some strawberries and cocoa powder (for my protein shakes) will be counted as "Loading". Then I have to severely reduce and restrict my calories to 2 protein shakes per day. Not because I get hungry and cheat, but because I see food and EAT! I've never been hungry on hCG not even once (except that bout with HhCG), no I've never been hungry, I'm just a food addict that has to be in complete control or else I spiral into oblivion of nasty foods that hurt my teeth - I seriously cannot eat sugary foods at all without getting a toothache, I don't normally eat sweets! So I have to do at least one full week of nothing but 2-3 protein shakes per day with a handful of strawberries or tbs of cocoa powder in each and a piece of bacon in the breakfast (so I can take a vitamin because you have to have some fat or else vitamins will make you sick with protein shakes). In this way I can lose up to 20lbs the first week, I don't have to worry about my calories or water intake and it gets me used to not cheating because I know exactly what I'm allowed and when to eat etc. etc... Like I said I have to be in complete control to get anywhere in the dieting world no matter what sort of plan I'm following (although this is the only one that has ever worked, when I follow the rules!).
Sorry about my rant, I'm feeling kind of hopeless and needed to let it out here.
And for the record. 114lbs is my goal and I WILL MAKE IT!!!!!
FUCK YOU HATERS! Get over it and don't both pretending to "worry" about me. Worry about your fat ass needing to jump on the treadmill for eating a fucking cookie and your ass jiggling while you do it! Sorry if that's mean but everyone should be supported in their journey no matter what their goal is!
Stay strong my skinnies!!!
And if you have any restriction tips or dieting tips or anything, please help!
Maybe just a brush up of the usual, avoid food and chew on ice and drink cold water
I can't stand myself right now. January has been a total bust. On everything. On everything I want. Nothing helps. I just want to eat CRAP. Not even stuff I would normally eat daily when NOT dieting. Just that complete POISON that floats around everywhere full of corn and corn byproducts. Junk food. Carbs. *sigh* I just can't get my head in the game and it's making me want to give up. Lately I've been saying, "Forget it I'll just be fat forever." Which is stupid. I know how to get the weight off but for some reason fucking CHEETOS and crap are calling me.
You know I hadn't eaten Cheetos in over a year...Over two years even, since I saw "Food Inc." the movie/documentary, so that's probably right around when my son was born in '09.
I just feel like a fatass failure that's never going to amount to anything or get even into ONEderland. It's 44...ok 46.5lbs now, away and I can't even imagine ever getting there. A few months ago I would have been like "Yeah? 46lbs? NO PROBLEM, I'll be there in two months!" Now I'm like, "Ehh, fuck it, I'm just going to stay fat forever." I've given up on everything, I was seriously contemplating marriage and another baby like yesterday and the day before. That's great for some people, but not for me. I don't want to ever get married until I'm in that old people "head over heels" love with gray hair and wine on a rocking chair/porch swing. And as for kids, well one's enough for me until my son can change diapers and keep the little one out of trouble, not to mention babysit. I'm not the marriage type, I want to live. And not vicariously through others. But there I was, thinking about it at least. And that's fine, maybe I will get married and have another baby, but not right at this second, I told myself I would not get pregnant again until I am skinny, so that means if I stay fat I'll never have another kid, ever. EndofStory. *sigh*
So that's obviously not my problem, my problem is that I can't stop eating shit and I've given up on living. Lol. As in I'm having a dieting breakdown and I feel like if I don't lose this weight I'm going to die. If I listened to Dr. Oz I would probably believe that actually. But Dr. Oz is a fucking nincompoop and so it every other TV doctor paid by Oprah and Dr. Phil. (Yes, I read the credits after the shows Dr. McGraw and son.)
I hate how people say (when I tell them I've lost weight), "Aww, that's good so you're trying to get healthy...." NO MOTHERFUCKER, I'M NOT. I'M ALREADY FUCKING HEALTHY. I'm a VAIN BITCH AND I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING ROCKSTAR! That's why I'm losing weight. Because my entire life I've been told "Aww you'd be so pretty if you lost weight." I've finally given in and decided to do it just to rub it in their faces and flaunt my new boobs (which I will buy afterwards) in their faces! With my wonderful Arizona tan that I will go outside and get when I have to body to show that much skin like those hookers at my pool did this past summer. No more fucking "tankini's" for me!
So all that sounds terrific, right? Now all I need to do is get my head in the game and follow through, right? Yeah, well, that would work out stupendously IF I could keep my hands out of the cookie jar, the pasta cupboard, the grocery store.
Life would be so much easier if I had an anti-eating disorder instead of an over-eating disorder. I envy those skinny bitches (the term "bitches" I use lovingly, so it's not mean) and their ability to either avoid food or throw it up, or chew it up and spit it out. If it was that easy for me I would have been done with this diet like ...October or December when I was supposed to be!
If I could just stay on track through summer last year I would have been done. And now I can't get back on track, I can't avoid pasta and pastries. Even though I never really normally ate any of that shit in the first place!
I don't know what to do with myself. I just keep stuffing my face. It's not like my "hubby" helps at all he always says he will be he never stops me when I start shoving cookies in my mouth, he just gives me "the look", his look that tells me I know I'm doing something I shouldn't. But he never opens his mouth and in my mouth the food goes, down into my esophagus to sit on top of all the other crap I've secretly scarfed down that day. Today it was Lindt Lindor truffles, hamburgers, Chinese food, milk and cookies. and I'm sure I'll find something else before bed because I won't stop myself. Not today. I'm counting it as "Loading" and I'll bet every day until I get some strawberries and cocoa powder (for my protein shakes) will be counted as "Loading". Then I have to severely reduce and restrict my calories to 2 protein shakes per day. Not because I get hungry and cheat, but because I see food and EAT! I've never been hungry on hCG not even once (except that bout with HhCG), no I've never been hungry, I'm just a food addict that has to be in complete control or else I spiral into oblivion of nasty foods that hurt my teeth - I seriously cannot eat sugary foods at all without getting a toothache, I don't normally eat sweets! So I have to do at least one full week of nothing but 2-3 protein shakes per day with a handful of strawberries or tbs of cocoa powder in each and a piece of bacon in the breakfast (so I can take a vitamin because you have to have some fat or else vitamins will make you sick with protein shakes). In this way I can lose up to 20lbs the first week, I don't have to worry about my calories or water intake and it gets me used to not cheating because I know exactly what I'm allowed and when to eat etc. etc... Like I said I have to be in complete control to get anywhere in the dieting world no matter what sort of plan I'm following (although this is the only one that has ever worked, when I follow the rules!).
Sorry about my rant, I'm feeling kind of hopeless and needed to let it out here.
And for the record. 114lbs is my goal and I WILL MAKE IT!!!!!
FUCK YOU HATERS! Get over it and don't both pretending to "worry" about me. Worry about your fat ass needing to jump on the treadmill for eating a fucking cookie and your ass jiggling while you do it! Sorry if that's mean but everyone should be supported in their journey no matter what their goal is!
Stay strong my skinnies!!!
And if you have any restriction tips or dieting tips or anything, please help!
Maybe just a brush up of the usual, avoid food and chew on ice and drink cold water
1/12/12
Wheewww *wipes brow*
I'm feeling better today after losing 2lbs this morning when I total thought I was going to gain.
I had a 17.5oz tub of 2% Fage, 12 strawberries, 1 SF jello, 3 Chocolate cookies, a few chips (cassava), a piece of cake, and ALOT of steak/fat. Maybe I needed a jolt of fat and protein? Well I'm going to try to do it again today! So we'll find out ho that goes tomorrow when I wake up, then I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do tomorrow, I was planning to do an egg day but I think we're leaving late tomorrow night for Las Vegas (planning on messing around - gambling/drinking all night until Saturday when we check into the hotel), but I don't know we might just go early Saturday morning...
I'm starting to get excited about Vegas now. Haha, I don't know whether it's the gambling that's making me excited, or the fact that when we went LAST YEAR I WAS 40LBS FATTER!!
I also got a new duffelbag/suitcase and some sweaters (like to put over my dresses/tank top shirts) and it's always exciting to have new nice things to wear somewhere you don't normally go.
I just have to keep my hubby from spending any more money or we won't have anything to eat or play with in Vegas!!!
My Mom had her day off today so she woke me up early to get in the house this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. I like to sleep late because it takes time off of the stress of avoiding food ALLLLL day.
I got all of my book for school yesterday, and apparently I did REALLLLLY bad on my Math placement test because I flipped through my math book and it's SUPER EASY! Luckily it will be a refresher and I'll get and awesome grade. ^_^
So until I start feeling like I'm starving again I'M GOOD!
I had a 17.5oz tub of 2% Fage, 12 strawberries, 1 SF jello, 3 Chocolate cookies, a few chips (cassava), a piece of cake, and ALOT of steak/fat. Maybe I needed a jolt of fat and protein? Well I'm going to try to do it again today! So we'll find out ho that goes tomorrow when I wake up, then I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do tomorrow, I was planning to do an egg day but I think we're leaving late tomorrow night for Las Vegas (planning on messing around - gambling/drinking all night until Saturday when we check into the hotel), but I don't know we might just go early Saturday morning...
I'm starting to get excited about Vegas now. Haha, I don't know whether it's the gambling that's making me excited, or the fact that when we went LAST YEAR I WAS 40LBS FATTER!!
I also got a new duffelbag/suitcase and some sweaters (like to put over my dresses/tank top shirts) and it's always exciting to have new nice things to wear somewhere you don't normally go.
I just have to keep my hubby from spending any more money or we won't have anything to eat or play with in Vegas!!!
My Mom had her day off today so she woke me up early to get in the house this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. I like to sleep late because it takes time off of the stress of avoiding food ALLLLL day.
I got all of my book for school yesterday, and apparently I did REALLLLLY bad on my Math placement test because I flipped through my math book and it's SUPER EASY! Luckily it will be a refresher and I'll get and awesome grade. ^_^
So until I start feeling like I'm starving again I'M GOOD!
1/11/12
Ughhhh I SUCKKK
So as you can tell from the title. I totally suck!!! I just can't seem to keep from eating. I don't think it's hunger, I think it's just because I can't have certain foods, or because I'm really bored and when I'm bored I eat everything in sight, or something. IDK, I have food issues. I just wish I had the type of issues that make me stay AWAY from food instead of eating the world's food supply!
So I'm back to 240 (I don't remember my weight from my last post, so I imagine that it was lower and I was on a better track than today). ANd I really wants to lose 20lbs this week (and bring myself down to 228 or so) but that doesn't look like it's happening. Of course I still have 5 days until the week is over on Sunday. Maybe this weekend in Las Vegas will drop me a few pounds? Last year when I went to Vegas I lost 10lbs! (Including all kinds of food and the "Buffet of Buffets!" 7 buffets for $50 in a 24hr period.) So I'm hoping for the best.
Honestly my plan for this trip is "eat nothing and and only drink vodka and diet soda". Which will save alot of money, but I think on the last day we'll get the "buffet of buffets" again and do our "tour of Vegas food" lol.
I think I wouldn't be so stressed if I at least got down a little before we leave on Friday night or Saturday morning.
I'm really tired of being fat and all of this failure is really taking its toll on my mental state. I'm really on the verge of a complete meltdown and for some reason nobody understands, not even my fellow dieters.
Maybe some of my Ana friends?
It shouldn't be this hard to get where I want to be. I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself. I hate my fat.
So I'm back to 240 (I don't remember my weight from my last post, so I imagine that it was lower and I was on a better track than today). ANd I really wants to lose 20lbs this week (and bring myself down to 228 or so) but that doesn't look like it's happening. Of course I still have 5 days until the week is over on Sunday. Maybe this weekend in Las Vegas will drop me a few pounds? Last year when I went to Vegas I lost 10lbs! (Including all kinds of food and the "Buffet of Buffets!" 7 buffets for $50 in a 24hr period.) So I'm hoping for the best.
Honestly my plan for this trip is "eat nothing and and only drink vodka and diet soda". Which will save alot of money, but I think on the last day we'll get the "buffet of buffets" again and do our "tour of Vegas food" lol.
I think I wouldn't be so stressed if I at least got down a little before we leave on Friday night or Saturday morning.
I'm really tired of being fat and all of this failure is really taking its toll on my mental state. I'm really on the verge of a complete meltdown and for some reason nobody understands, not even my fellow dieters.
Maybe some of my Ana friends?
It shouldn't be this hard to get where I want to be. I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself. I hate my fat.
1/9/12
Hate the weekends!!!
SOOOO, I was downt to 236.5 on Friday right? WELL NOT ANYMORE! Thanks weekend and cheating and being a stupid FAILURE like ALWAYS!!! Shit. I just can't give myself a break can I?
So I've got an all new high for keepig on track and making sure I don't screw it up again. On the bright side I was down 6lbsfor the week yesterday, and I know if I drink a ton of water today I'll find out that today's gain is just water, but still, it SUCKS to see that scale go up doesn't it?!!
Today I'm doing a protein day like I did last week:
Breakfast:
3 egg whites, 1 yolk
2tbs homemade salsa
(already eaten)
Planned for the day:
Lunch:
7oz grilled chicken
2 cups lettuce (this is my worst enemy, I HATE lettuce unless it's drenched in ranch with cucumbers and stuff)
3-4 strawberries
Dinner:
4oz grilled chicken
2tbs homemade salsa
Carbohydrate (7%) 6.15g
Fat (35%) 20.7g
Protein (58%) 74.3g
532kcals
And that with TONS of water should get me back down to where I'm supposed to be. Or at least back to what I was yesterday at 238.5. Though I'm hoping for the 236.5 I was at on Friday.
So I've got an all new high for keepig on track and making sure I don't screw it up again. On the bright side I was down 6lbsfor the week yesterday, and I know if I drink a ton of water today I'll find out that today's gain is just water, but still, it SUCKS to see that scale go up doesn't it?!!
Today I'm doing a protein day like I did last week:
Breakfast:
3 egg whites, 1 yolk
2tbs homemade salsa
(already eaten)
Planned for the day:
Lunch:
7oz grilled chicken
2 cups lettuce (this is my worst enemy, I HATE lettuce unless it's drenched in ranch with cucumbers and stuff)
3-4 strawberries
Dinner:
4oz grilled chicken
2tbs homemade salsa
Carbohydrate (7%) 6.15g
Fat (35%) 20.7g
Protein (58%) 74.3g
532kcals
And that with TONS of water should get me back down to where I'm supposed to be. Or at least back to what I was yesterday at 238.5. Though I'm hoping for the 236.5 I was at on Friday.
1/6/12
TGIF - Week 1 almost done
So my ring is trying to fall off, which is kind of sad because hubby getting it fixed was one of my Christmas presents and pretty soon I'll have to take it off and wait until I'm done losing weight to get it re_sized smaller. But for the next ring I buy I won't have to get it re-sized bigger, I can just take the standard size 7! OR - What if I have to get it re-sized SMALLER?! How crazy would that be?? I've always be a size 9.5-11 in rings and pretty soon I'm going to be able to buy "fashion" jewellery from store that sell those "cheapo" rings (quotations used because that shit is cheaply made, but not cheap).
I'm really excited to think about the fact that if I STICK TO THE DIET REGIMEN, I WILL be wearing those size 5 skinny jeans I have hanging on my wall THIS SUMMER, IN LAS VEGAS! Ok, maybe jeans are not the smartest things to wear to Vegas in summertime, but unless my legs look absolutely FABULOUS I will not be showing them!!!!
I don't believe that losing all this weight is going to make me feel better about my individual body parts, especially because I imagine that I'm going to have lose skin like all of my older counterparts doing the diet. Yes, I know I'm at least 20 years younger than most of them and my skin has a lot more elasticity, but let's face it, I'm fat, and my body probably won't look like a normal person my age's body. On the other hand, maybe I'll get lucky, like I always have been regarding my awesome features and body and luckiness, maybe I'll have an awesome non-flabby body when I'm done with all of this!
Thinking about the bad things that could happen with losing all this weight probably shouldn't be my focus, right? I should probably think of the people MY AGE, and even a few older people who have lost tons of weight and don't have flabby skin. I can always take baths in lotion and do some of those skin tightening wrap thingies they have at fancy-schmancy spas.
What I'm REALLLLLY excited about for this Summer is doing my nails. It will be the first time I won't be a fat chick with fake nails! As a nail technician, I will NEVER tell anyone they are too fat for fake nails. It's never been said to me and I will never say it. BUT--- My nails are TINY and my hands are FAT, so it looks really weird to me to have fake nails, although I really love them... for about a week.
I always get excited about doing my "Vegas Nails" every year. I love having an excuse to have super sparkly, long, and LOUD nails. Maybe I'll even let my real nails grow longer so I can have super long fake nails for Vegas. STRIPPER NAILS! Hahaha, yeah that would be friggen great.
So with all my whining, dreaming, and ranting this morning I have killed an hour of "Gee, I'm bored. I would really like to eat something, because when I'm bored I like to eat...." So that's pretty promising.
I'm down 2lbs today, 8# since Jan. 1.
8lbs in 6 days can't be beat right?
Now I just have to figure out what I want to eat today. Whether I want to have protein shakes or another protein day with tons of chicken like yesterday.
I really don't feel like protein shakes, or the lettuce that I'm supposed to eat with the chicken.
Have I mentioned that I HATE HATE HATE lettuce?
Yeah, I do. It's gross. I'm an iceberg lettuce person, and that's "not healthy enough, it doesn't have enough nutrients..." blah blah.
I even tried making it into a salad yesterday with green leaf lettuce, mushrooms, green onions, salt and pepper, some Italian seasonings... It still sucked.
Give me some good old broccoli or green beans any day, I HATEEEEE leaf greens.
If I think of anything to say I'll probably write more later, but for now I'm going to go have some egg whites for my wonderful breakfast. The only thing crappy about dieting is getting used to food that really doesn't taste that great, no matter how many seasonings you put into it and how much you smile about it all. I will probably be over the anxiety of eating crap like egg whites in about a week and be all happy-go-lucky Happy happy joy joy about it later one, especially when I get back into the 220s and below.
OH! That reminds me, have I mentioned that I'm thinking of just doing a super long round? (As long as my weight loss stay around 1#/day average) I feel like taking breaks from hCG is what really makes me fall off the wagon and fail in subsequent rounds. I get too used to eating normally, So maybe I just should never eat normally but stay on the diet as long as it takes me to gt to goal. (Again, as long as I average 1#/day). Of course as a female, I have a stronger chance of not getting the losses I really want, since men lose the weight alot faster than women and can normally average 1-2lbs/day. All I need to keep me focused and interested in the food and dieting is that 1#/day. Honestly I know I could do it if I tried. SO I WILL TRY!!! And I will make all of my goals, and someday (like nearer to Christmas 2012, or Apocalypse 2012 - whichever you believe will be happening) I WILL BE SOMEBODY'S THINSPIRATION!!! It's kind of exciting right?
I really need to keep in ind that I possibly won't get the sagging skin and kangaroo pouch thing, because I'm super young. What I'm more worried about than that is really literal "saddlebags" on my thighs, and a saggy butt, because I have huge thighs and a giant butt.
But in all honestly I think my age is going to save me from those consequences of having ever been fat.
We will see. -crosses fingers- I really don't want saggy skin anywhere.
I'm not so worried about my stretch marks either for some reason, I guess because I've never really noticed them I'm not so worried about them. I do notice them more now that I'm thinner, but I just figure with plenty of Dead Sea lotion they'll disappear like they always have.
Ok, ENOUGH RANTING!!!
Have a great day with great losses my friend!!!! <3
I'm really excited to think about the fact that if I STICK TO THE DIET REGIMEN, I WILL be wearing those size 5 skinny jeans I have hanging on my wall THIS SUMMER, IN LAS VEGAS! Ok, maybe jeans are not the smartest things to wear to Vegas in summertime, but unless my legs look absolutely FABULOUS I will not be showing them!!!!
I don't believe that losing all this weight is going to make me feel better about my individual body parts, especially because I imagine that I'm going to have lose skin like all of my older counterparts doing the diet. Yes, I know I'm at least 20 years younger than most of them and my skin has a lot more elasticity, but let's face it, I'm fat, and my body probably won't look like a normal person my age's body. On the other hand, maybe I'll get lucky, like I always have been regarding my awesome features and body and luckiness, maybe I'll have an awesome non-flabby body when I'm done with all of this!
Thinking about the bad things that could happen with losing all this weight probably shouldn't be my focus, right? I should probably think of the people MY AGE, and even a few older people who have lost tons of weight and don't have flabby skin. I can always take baths in lotion and do some of those skin tightening wrap thingies they have at fancy-schmancy spas.
What I'm REALLLLLY excited about for this Summer is doing my nails. It will be the first time I won't be a fat chick with fake nails! As a nail technician, I will NEVER tell anyone they are too fat for fake nails. It's never been said to me and I will never say it. BUT--- My nails are TINY and my hands are FAT, so it looks really weird to me to have fake nails, although I really love them... for about a week.
I always get excited about doing my "Vegas Nails" every year. I love having an excuse to have super sparkly, long, and LOUD nails. Maybe I'll even let my real nails grow longer so I can have super long fake nails for Vegas. STRIPPER NAILS! Hahaha, yeah that would be friggen great.
So with all my whining, dreaming, and ranting this morning I have killed an hour of "Gee, I'm bored. I would really like to eat something, because when I'm bored I like to eat...." So that's pretty promising.
I'm down 2lbs today, 8# since Jan. 1.
8lbs in 6 days can't be beat right?
Now I just have to figure out what I want to eat today. Whether I want to have protein shakes or another protein day with tons of chicken like yesterday.
I really don't feel like protein shakes, or the lettuce that I'm supposed to eat with the chicken.
Have I mentioned that I HATE HATE HATE lettuce?
Yeah, I do. It's gross. I'm an iceberg lettuce person, and that's "not healthy enough, it doesn't have enough nutrients..." blah blah.
I even tried making it into a salad yesterday with green leaf lettuce, mushrooms, green onions, salt and pepper, some Italian seasonings... It still sucked.
Give me some good old broccoli or green beans any day, I HATEEEEE leaf greens.
If I think of anything to say I'll probably write more later, but for now I'm going to go have some egg whites for my wonderful breakfast. The only thing crappy about dieting is getting used to food that really doesn't taste that great, no matter how many seasonings you put into it and how much you smile about it all. I will probably be over the anxiety of eating crap like egg whites in about a week and be all happy-go-lucky Happy happy joy joy about it later one, especially when I get back into the 220s and below.
OH! That reminds me, have I mentioned that I'm thinking of just doing a super long round? (As long as my weight loss stay around 1#/day average) I feel like taking breaks from hCG is what really makes me fall off the wagon and fail in subsequent rounds. I get too used to eating normally, So maybe I just should never eat normally but stay on the diet as long as it takes me to gt to goal. (Again, as long as I average 1#/day). Of course as a female, I have a stronger chance of not getting the losses I really want, since men lose the weight alot faster than women and can normally average 1-2lbs/day. All I need to keep me focused and interested in the food and dieting is that 1#/day. Honestly I know I could do it if I tried. SO I WILL TRY!!! And I will make all of my goals, and someday (like nearer to Christmas 2012, or Apocalypse 2012 - whichever you believe will be happening) I WILL BE SOMEBODY'S THINSPIRATION!!! It's kind of exciting right?
I really need to keep in ind that I possibly won't get the sagging skin and kangaroo pouch thing, because I'm super young. What I'm more worried about than that is really literal "saddlebags" on my thighs, and a saggy butt, because I have huge thighs and a giant butt.
But in all honestly I think my age is going to save me from those consequences of having ever been fat.
We will see. -crosses fingers- I really don't want saggy skin anywhere.
I'm not so worried about my stretch marks either for some reason, I guess because I've never really noticed them I'm not so worried about them. I do notice them more now that I'm thinner, but I just figure with plenty of Dead Sea lotion they'll disappear like they always have.
Ok, ENOUGH RANTING!!!
Have a great day with great losses my friend!!!! <3
1/5/12
R3P2D4?
Jan 5, 2012
3 eggs whites, 1 yolk
2tbs homemade salsa
9oz chicken breast
2 cups lettuce
2 diet hansens soda
3.5oz chicken breast
2tbs homemade salsa
650kcals, 92.6 protein, 25.5 fat, 7.6 carbs
Have I mentioned that I'm just going to call this round #3 even though it's like #8? Lol.
I have alot of weight to lose by this summer when I meet up with all of my dieting buddies in Las Vegas, NV. 108.5lbs to be exact, by mid-June if possible. It is possible. I'm doing the hCG diet afterall... I wish I would have stuck to the diet during the Fall and holidys this winter. But I didn't so I'm still stuck around the same weight as I was last July basically. I kick myself because I could have been at ultimate goal by now and I am down only like 7-10lbs since July 2012.
I got down to 228.5 and worked my way back to 240. Can we say FAILURE?
But I'm doing well so far this round. It's VLCD 5 and I'm down 6lbs. Today I did a high protein day so I'm hoping for a big loss in the morning, here's to hoping. -crosses fingers-
My friend, who is just a litte bit taller than I, says at 130 she's between a size 0-4. I'm hoping when I get there I will be too, but I know I will be at least a size 7-10. At least I'll be over 100lbs lighter than I was at this time last year. And it's still comforting to know that I have lost almost 40lbs and kept it off, I'm not worried about any of it coming back, but after Vegas this summer I will probably do a short short round just to acquire a buffer zone for any gains I might encounter.
I can't wait to be skinny for the first time in my life and I know that in order to make it to any of my goals I have to keep to the plan and stay on track and on protocol. NO CHEATING!!!! If I have to live off of protein shakes for 6 months by-golly I will!!!
3 eggs whites, 1 yolk
2tbs homemade salsa
9oz chicken breast
2 cups lettuce
2 diet hansens soda
3.5oz chicken breast
2tbs homemade salsa
650kcals, 92.6 protein, 25.5 fat, 7.6 carbs
Have I mentioned that I'm just going to call this round #3 even though it's like #8? Lol.
I have alot of weight to lose by this summer when I meet up with all of my dieting buddies in Las Vegas, NV. 108.5lbs to be exact, by mid-June if possible. It is possible. I'm doing the hCG diet afterall... I wish I would have stuck to the diet during the Fall and holidys this winter. But I didn't so I'm still stuck around the same weight as I was last July basically. I kick myself because I could have been at ultimate goal by now and I am down only like 7-10lbs since July 2012.
I got down to 228.5 and worked my way back to 240. Can we say FAILURE?
But I'm doing well so far this round. It's VLCD 5 and I'm down 6lbs. Today I did a high protein day so I'm hoping for a big loss in the morning, here's to hoping. -crosses fingers-
My friend, who is just a litte bit taller than I, says at 130 she's between a size 0-4. I'm hoping when I get there I will be too, but I know I will be at least a size 7-10. At least I'll be over 100lbs lighter than I was at this time last year. And it's still comforting to know that I have lost almost 40lbs and kept it off, I'm not worried about any of it coming back, but after Vegas this summer I will probably do a short short round just to acquire a buffer zone for any gains I might encounter.
I can't wait to be skinny for the first time in my life and I know that in order to make it to any of my goals I have to keep to the plan and stay on track and on protocol. NO CHEATING!!!! If I have to live off of protein shakes for 6 months by-golly I will!!!
Can't Sleep
So I took a few sleeping pills, watched a couple of movies, went pee a few times, and I still can't sleep, so now I'm listening to some sort of "documentary" or "self help" video talking bout health and weight loss and I've compiled a few photos for late night thinspiration so I don't go and gorge on something, I DID however, eat an apple before doing so.
When I weighed before the apple I weighed the same as this morning, hoping for a big los in the morning =]
And tomorrow I will do a protein day possibly.
Food for today:
1 cup Turkey Chili/Goulash
1 cup 0% Fage
3 strawberries
2 gingerbread cookies (60 cals)
1 42oz bottle of orange flavored mineral water
Total: around 550kcals
1/4/12
VLCD 4..or 3.. oh well. SKINNIFYING IN PROCESS!
So I just hooked up to my other neighbour-friend's internet #1 because in 1.5 weeks I'll be abck in school and need the net, #2 because i need to update my HCG group's stuff and keep track of the weights and keep them posted and stuff....
AND I need to vlog and blog haha.
So I'm down to 238.5 from my high of 244.5, 6lbs in 5 days.
Not bad, especially considering that most of those days were loading days.
I'm ready for next week and hopefully being back into the 220s so I can blow out of those and make my January goal of 210lbs.
If I don't stick to my goals I wont make it to my July goal of 135-130! So I have to really push myself to be good on this round. And right now I should be chugging a ton of water but I'm slacking. So I'll try to drown myself later tonight, right now I really don't feel like water.
I feel that today's weight didn't drop so much as I expected because I drank 3 cans of Hansen's DIET soda yesterday, so I'm trying to keep myself away from that (excessively) today.
I had my turkey chili/goolash stuff for lunch and if I have dinner I think I'm just going to have egg whites and salsa. Or 1 egg + 2 whites and salsa. Maybe an apple but I haven't decided yet.
Yesterday I came to roughly 560 cals.
Today I'm hoping to stay under 500kcals.
I have to stay in control like in my beginning rounds or I go crazy and cheat all over the place!!!!
So I'm trying to stay POP/MOP and NOT CHEAT. Not even CocoaCrack! (Choco D) because that shit can get out of hand FAST. I have 6 months to get all of this weight off before summer and by Jiminey I'm GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME!!! I might even do what some others are doing and just keep going until it's completely gone. But we'll see how I feel. I don't want to take breaks anymore because I realise now that it gets me into the wrong mindset and it's damn near impossible to get back into protocol/dieting mode!!
I am planning on taking sleeping pills every night until I run out so I don't get those dreaded night cravings and cave into defeat! Finally found my magic sleeping pill number - 5! I have to take 5 just to get drowsy. They're OTC so that's probably why. Wish I could afford Ambien like my friend Jo lol. I need some knockout meds!!!
Anyways, I'm feeling good and can't wait for next week. Might check in before then, but with me you never know haha. No seriously I'll probably be back and write again on Friday, I should probably measure then to, I haven't measured since the Halloween round began.
I hate getting fat again.
I can't wait to fit into the pants I bought last year that I thought would be too big by now, and would have if I had just stuck to the plan!!!!!
I'm my own worst [dieting]enemy.
AND I need to vlog and blog haha.
So I'm down to 238.5 from my high of 244.5, 6lbs in 5 days.
Not bad, especially considering that most of those days were loading days.
I'm ready for next week and hopefully being back into the 220s so I can blow out of those and make my January goal of 210lbs.
If I don't stick to my goals I wont make it to my July goal of 135-130! So I have to really push myself to be good on this round. And right now I should be chugging a ton of water but I'm slacking. So I'll try to drown myself later tonight, right now I really don't feel like water.
I feel that today's weight didn't drop so much as I expected because I drank 3 cans of Hansen's DIET soda yesterday, so I'm trying to keep myself away from that (excessively) today.
I had my turkey chili/goolash stuff for lunch and if I have dinner I think I'm just going to have egg whites and salsa. Or 1 egg + 2 whites and salsa. Maybe an apple but I haven't decided yet.
Yesterday I came to roughly 560 cals.
Today I'm hoping to stay under 500kcals.
I have to stay in control like in my beginning rounds or I go crazy and cheat all over the place!!!!
So I'm trying to stay POP/MOP and NOT CHEAT. Not even CocoaCrack! (Choco D) because that shit can get out of hand FAST. I have 6 months to get all of this weight off before summer and by Jiminey I'm GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME!!! I might even do what some others are doing and just keep going until it's completely gone. But we'll see how I feel. I don't want to take breaks anymore because I realise now that it gets me into the wrong mindset and it's damn near impossible to get back into protocol/dieting mode!!
I am planning on taking sleeping pills every night until I run out so I don't get those dreaded night cravings and cave into defeat! Finally found my magic sleeping pill number - 5! I have to take 5 just to get drowsy. They're OTC so that's probably why. Wish I could afford Ambien like my friend Jo lol. I need some knockout meds!!!
Anyways, I'm feeling good and can't wait for next week. Might check in before then, but with me you never know haha. No seriously I'll probably be back and write again on Friday, I should probably measure then to, I haven't measured since the Halloween round began.
I hate getting fat again.
I can't wait to fit into the pants I bought last year that I thought would be too big by now, and would have if I had just stuck to the plan!!!!!
I'm my own worst [dieting]enemy.
12/30/11
12/30/12 - Day before actual "LOAD"
I've decided to take my injections starting today so the HCG can be sure and get into my system. (I still have to get it out of the freezer but anyways...)
By Monday all the bad food should be completely out of my house (whether eaten or thrown out or given away, whatever.), and Monday I will start VLCDs.
So excited to be back on a strict 500kcal diet, you have no idea! This past week I have just been sick at the thought of food (and certain smells, and my cigarettes, making me wonder about pregnancy and contemplating suicide, lmfao jk don't get your panties in a bunch.) But for real, I refuse to accept pregnancy anymore, and I'm half-contemplating staying on hCG continuously until I reach goal, half hoping to build an immunity against it as a precaution against future pregnancy. (Yes, that's what immunity actually does, it causes you to have problems staying pregnant because your body sees the hCG and stuff "down there" as a threat. I.E: Can cause miscarriage.) I've decided as long as I'm with "hubby" I refuse to have any more children. I would like to find a mate that I am compatible and IN-LOVE WITH before I have another child(or children).
I am sick of letting myself be mine own enemy and I refuse to let me sabotage myself. LOL. That sounds even crazier than all the things I've stated above, but it's true, I am my own worst enemy (besides the obvious fatness). I need to get busy today and this weekend and clean out all of my cupboards or eat all the bad shit for loading on Sunday (I think I'll just drink tomorrow haha...yeah I wish, I don't drink. =/ ) and On Monday all that should be left in my house is P2 foods!! I'm hoping - we're kind of broke until next week (7 Jan) so I'm going to make the best out of what we do have around the house - chicken and beef, possibly some broccoli, I think I have some frozen and canned veggies like peas and grean beans, even though those aren't P2, at least they're GREEN. I have my slide show thinspo going along on my computer background/wallpaper thingy, so everyday I am reminded about my goal and the fact that I really need to step it up the rest of this winter and for Spring and lose this fucking weight so I can be hot for the first time ever in time for summer!!! I mean, I'm fucking gorgeous, but I really need a body that fits my face like my mother has been telling me since I got fat when I was like 7-8. "You'd be so pretty if you lost some of that weight honey." Plus, if I'm ever going to go home to Idaho and see my Aunt & Uncle and my other Uncle and my skinny friggen metal-head cousins, I WANT TO BE FUCKING SKINNY. Especially to rub it in my Aunt's face that I'm not the fat one of the family anymore. I'm sick of being the fat one in the family, you know? I'm sick of her diet food and her "Why don't you join weight watchers, look how much I have lost!" Yeah, LADY you tend to fluctuate really badly with your weight, I FRIGGEN STABILIZE!!!! More proof that hCG is a life changer and even changes your metabolism so it actually WORKS!! <3 my hCG.
While I'm still talking, does anyone else feel like they should become a laxative junkie? Like seriously. Sometimes it just doesn't come for days and you try everything you possibly can, extra fiber, upping the veggies, psyllium husk, skinny/poop tea, or WHATEVER, and it doesn't work!? I usually keep a bottle of that magnesium citrate stuff around (flavored epsom salt water) and it works withing like 30mins, or overnight/during the night if you drink it before bed. Without that shit sometimes I don't poo FOREVER.
Does anyone know of a good detox? Like a pill or a fruit juice flush or whatever? Bah, I'm probably too lazy for all that anyways, I tried the juicing thing and it didn't make me poop or feel "young and refreshed and vibrant" or whatever those people and diet Nazis (yes I'm talking about some of you) say it does. at least with my reviews and experiences I'm honest. Not just going around saying the same thing everyone else does!
So I think I'm about done with my post for the day, about to scrounge up some thinspiration for the weekend. Many thanks to my new followers for your support!
By Monday all the bad food should be completely out of my house (whether eaten or thrown out or given away, whatever.), and Monday I will start VLCDs.
So excited to be back on a strict 500kcal diet, you have no idea! This past week I have just been sick at the thought of food (and certain smells, and my cigarettes, making me wonder about pregnancy and contemplating suicide, lmfao jk don't get your panties in a bunch.) But for real, I refuse to accept pregnancy anymore, and I'm half-contemplating staying on hCG continuously until I reach goal, half hoping to build an immunity against it as a precaution against future pregnancy. (Yes, that's what immunity actually does, it causes you to have problems staying pregnant because your body sees the hCG and stuff "down there" as a threat. I.E: Can cause miscarriage.) I've decided as long as I'm with "hubby" I refuse to have any more children. I would like to find a mate that I am compatible and IN-LOVE WITH before I have another child(or children).
Moving on:
I'm really excited to start this new year with a fresh start and it's exciting that this will be my first ever "New Year's Resolution"!!!! So yeah, I'm pretty stoke about that anyways, and stoked to have so much to look forward to this year including my Las Vegas trip this summer with my other dieting girlfriends (by which time I should have hopefully at least reached 130 - 15lbs from my ultimate goal of 115).
I am sick of letting myself be mine own enemy and I refuse to let me sabotage myself. LOL. That sounds even crazier than all the things I've stated above, but it's true, I am my own worst enemy (besides the obvious fatness). I need to get busy today and this weekend and clean out all of my cupboards or eat all the bad shit for loading on Sunday (I think I'll just drink tomorrow haha...yeah I wish, I don't drink. =/ ) and On Monday all that should be left in my house is P2 foods!! I'm hoping - we're kind of broke until next week (7 Jan) so I'm going to make the best out of what we do have around the house - chicken and beef, possibly some broccoli, I think I have some frozen and canned veggies like peas and grean beans, even though those aren't P2, at least they're GREEN. I have my slide show thinspo going along on my computer background/wallpaper thingy, so everyday I am reminded about my goal and the fact that I really need to step it up the rest of this winter and for Spring and lose this fucking weight so I can be hot for the first time ever in time for summer!!! I mean, I'm fucking gorgeous, but I really need a body that fits my face like my mother has been telling me since I got fat when I was like 7-8. "You'd be so pretty if you lost some of that weight honey." Plus, if I'm ever going to go home to Idaho and see my Aunt & Uncle and my other Uncle and my skinny friggen metal-head cousins, I WANT TO BE FUCKING SKINNY. Especially to rub it in my Aunt's face that I'm not the fat one of the family anymore. I'm sick of being the fat one in the family, you know? I'm sick of her diet food and her "Why don't you join weight watchers, look how much I have lost!" Yeah, LADY you tend to fluctuate really badly with your weight, I FRIGGEN STABILIZE!!!! More proof that hCG is a life changer and even changes your metabolism so it actually WORKS!! <3 my hCG.
While I'm still talking, does anyone else feel like they should become a laxative junkie? Like seriously. Sometimes it just doesn't come for days and you try everything you possibly can, extra fiber, upping the veggies, psyllium husk, skinny/poop tea, or WHATEVER, and it doesn't work!? I usually keep a bottle of that magnesium citrate stuff around (flavored epsom salt water) and it works withing like 30mins, or overnight/during the night if you drink it before bed. Without that shit sometimes I don't poo FOREVER.
Does anyone know of a good detox? Like a pill or a fruit juice flush or whatever? Bah, I'm probably too lazy for all that anyways, I tried the juicing thing and it didn't make me poop or feel "young and refreshed and vibrant" or whatever those people and diet Nazis (yes I'm talking about some of you) say it does. at least with my reviews and experiences I'm honest. Not just going around saying the same thing everyone else does!
So I think I'm about done with my post for the day, about to scrounge up some thinspiration for the weekend. Many thanks to my new followers for your support!
12/26/11
Getting Ready for New Years!
Finding it really hard not to inject myself and start the round already, but I will wait until the weekend to load... -whine whine whine-
I'm actually down 1.5lbs today so I'm 243.5lbs. This is still what 8lbs above my LIW? Not something to brag about, but I didn't gain a ton of weight, just about 1lb/day for a week (average). That I can live with, I don't want to think about the fact that I actually put on those pounds since like Thursday or something.So, I've decided I'm going to attempt to get a goal in of 40lbs every 40 days (1lb/day ave) if I can, I don't know it that's what my actual "goal" I had written up looked like or not, but I figure some people can do it and maybe I can, hCG is a miraculous thing afterall, IDK if it's THAT miraculous though haha...
Let's see that would change my goals to about:
End of these months:
Jan: 210
Feb: 194
Apr: 151
June: Ultimate Goal Weight (120-114.5)
Skinny by Summer!
Of course this is a stretch, so I'll think about the 1lb/day, but stick with my originaly goal by July of like 130.
I just need to stay focused on losing and not lose sight of that!!!
I need to cut my crap and stop fucking cheating and being a fatass. I have to do this, and if I don't get it finished by Vegas I will end up giving up and getting fucking mammoth-sized again.
I need to set my mini goals and stick to them this time.
Weekly goals even, maybe 10lbs the first week of a round, 6lbs weekly thereafter. That's at least 28lbs/month. With 4 active months of losing that would bring me down to 130 like is my goal. So I have to keep those things in sight or I'll spin out of control.
It's a new year, I need to be better and have more control!!!!
Thinspo:
12/25/11
Christmas Day 2011
So I thought I should update for today, I am 10lbs over my LIW of 235.5, I thoguht it was 7 but I think that was yesterday. I don't even want to think about what tomorrow's weight will be like but it's whatever, holidays are finally over (besides New Years), and this week I'm going to be working on (eating everything in the house) cleaning out the cupboards full of carbs and starting anew for the new year!
Today I had prime rib, mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese, choco-chip cookies, cake, fudge, and .... i don't know. I didn't eat alot altogether but I'm sure it will add up especially since I had some soda and for some reason soda has been making me gain the most over this past week.
Anywys I wanted to take a minute and wish the world a Merry Christmas! Hope you all had a great holiday and enjoy the rest of the week.
Today I had prime rib, mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese, choco-chip cookies, cake, fudge, and .... i don't know. I didn't eat alot altogether but I'm sure it will add up especially since I had some soda and for some reason soda has been making me gain the most over this past week.
Anywys I wanted to take a minute and wish the world a Merry Christmas! Hope you all had a great holiday and enjoy the rest of the week.
12/24/11
12/23/11
Count Down: 8 days until my next round!
I just thought I would stop in and say HIIIIII =]
Also, I wanted to remind people that I am 22 years old and therefore I'm allowed to have a super low goal weight! (114.5-120; though I would be happy with 110 so I have sort of a weight-gain buffer.) I tend to get a few people who are "worried" about my goal weight, but honestly it's a healthy goal, about a size 0-5 with my body, but who knows: Maybe I'll be happy with myself before I get to those "goal" numbers!
I am very happy to have my "Alternative" friends with whom I have a completely supportive relationship no matter how fat or tiny we want to be in the end, or the reasons we're trying to get there. We may not always agree, but we're always supportive, some of you people out there making judgments need to take other peoples' views into consideration. I might give you shit, but I never judge.
So, in 8 days I start my new, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION CHALLENGE!
(which I still have to start writing up the spreadsheet for...)
I'm hoping to finally get out of the 200s by the end of February, which is a goal I know my awesome friends are going to help me achieve. I should have technically been done for good by NOW, but for the past almost 6 months I've just been fucking around and staying around the same weight, yeah I've lost about 15lbs since June, but I should have been able to at least lose 100lbs ( 15lbs/month). So I'm kind of kicking myself right now and thinking of myself as a failure, I know I need to get my head out of that kind of thinking though.
So I should probably write up a goal sheet for 2012 and I will get to that in another post after I publish this one. I'm hoping to be at GOAL GOAL by the time the girls and I leave for Las Vegas in July for our HCG girls "bachelorette" party haha. I don't want to feel like a failure anymore, I want to get this weight off and find something else to obsess over that isn't so depressing.
Also, I wanted to remind people that I am 22 years old and therefore I'm allowed to have a super low goal weight! (114.5-120; though I would be happy with 110 so I have sort of a weight-gain buffer.) I tend to get a few people who are "worried" about my goal weight, but honestly it's a healthy goal, about a size 0-5 with my body, but who knows: Maybe I'll be happy with myself before I get to those "goal" numbers!
I am very happy to have my "Alternative" friends with whom I have a completely supportive relationship no matter how fat or tiny we want to be in the end, or the reasons we're trying to get there. We may not always agree, but we're always supportive, some of you people out there making judgments need to take other peoples' views into consideration. I might give you shit, but I never judge.
So, in 8 days I start my new, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION CHALLENGE!
(which I still have to start writing up the spreadsheet for...)
I'm hoping to finally get out of the 200s by the end of February, which is a goal I know my awesome friends are going to help me achieve. I should have technically been done for good by NOW, but for the past almost 6 months I've just been fucking around and staying around the same weight, yeah I've lost about 15lbs since June, but I should have been able to at least lose 100lbs ( 15lbs/month). So I'm kind of kicking myself right now and thinking of myself as a failure, I know I need to get my head out of that kind of thinking though.
So I should probably write up a goal sheet for 2012 and I will get to that in another post after I publish this one. I'm hoping to be at GOAL GOAL by the time the girls and I leave for Las Vegas in July for our HCG girls "bachelorette" party haha. I don't want to feel like a failure anymore, I want to get this weight off and find something else to obsess over that isn't so depressing.
12/22/11
Christmas - FAIL - Waiting for New Years!
So a round before Xmas was apparently not the best idea, actually I've learned a very good lesson just in case I'm still dieting towards Halloween next year 2012, DO NOT DIET AROUND HALLOWEEN OR AFTER!!! lmao.
I seem to be stabilized around 238 so that's fine except that I'm 9lbs above my lowest weight from the Halloween Challenge.. Ok technically over that even since I did get down to 225.5, but we'll stick with the 229.5 lol since it makes me feel better about my gain.
We are starting a New Years Challenge Dec 30-Jan 1(load days) for 21+ days, so I'm going to completely clean out the house and make this round count and get fucking skinny like I should already be right now instead of still being a fatass. If I didn't fuck around and be so naughty I could have made goal already and be wearing those fucking size 5 skinny jeans I have hanging on my bedroom wall that hubby's neice gave me.
Oh well. I still have until July (when the girls and I are going to Las Vegas together) to get spine skinny and ready for bikinis and daquiris, so hopefully I'll stop fucking around this year.
This will be my first time ever making a New Year's Resolution, let alone a NYR for DIETING! I'm not really a resolution sort of person, but it's time for a fucking change and I love the confidence I gain as I look healthier and less....StayPuft. Lol.
I'm going to be looking at more thinspiration like I used to, hoping this will keep me on task since I used to do alot better when I was actively looking at and posting thinspo.
I'm also going to try to keep up with updates on here and also with video updates on YouTube.
Wish me luck, and I hope you all have a not so naughty Christmas, and a skinny fucking New Year!!!
I seem to be stabilized around 238 so that's fine except that I'm 9lbs above my lowest weight from the Halloween Challenge.. Ok technically over that even since I did get down to 225.5, but we'll stick with the 229.5 lol since it makes me feel better about my gain.
We are starting a New Years Challenge Dec 30-Jan 1(load days) for 21+ days, so I'm going to completely clean out the house and make this round count and get fucking skinny like I should already be right now instead of still being a fatass. If I didn't fuck around and be so naughty I could have made goal already and be wearing those fucking size 5 skinny jeans I have hanging on my bedroom wall that hubby's neice gave me.
Oh well. I still have until July (when the girls and I are going to Las Vegas together) to get spine skinny and ready for bikinis and daquiris, so hopefully I'll stop fucking around this year.
This will be my first time ever making a New Year's Resolution, let alone a NYR for DIETING! I'm not really a resolution sort of person, but it's time for a fucking change and I love the confidence I gain as I look healthier and less....StayPuft. Lol.
I'm going to be looking at more thinspiration like I used to, hoping this will keep me on task since I used to do alot better when I was actively looking at and posting thinspo.
I'm also going to try to keep up with updates on here and also with video updates on YouTube.
Wish me luck, and I hope you all have a not so naughty Christmas, and a skinny fucking New Year!!!
11/11/11
Off the wagon and in the gains lol
Not big gains mind you - I hover around 233 most of the time, but I can't seem to stop myself from cheating. Caused by letting myself really cheat a few times and getting re-addicted to food. ... mainly Carbs. CARBSSSS those devilish things. >.>
So yes I'm still on the juice and not eating a lot to cause real gains (minus last night because I ate a lot of Chinese pastries, giving me a 1.5 gain that might be gone tomorrow, depending if I keep eating crap today..)
I can't decide whether to just be in P3 or to keep trying to get myself back into P2 mode (NO CHEATINNNGGGG)
these past couple of seeks have been MEGGA hard because we've been MEGGGAAAA BROKE. So I've had to buy crap and eat crap because CRAP is all we've been able to afford. And seems to be all we're going to be able to afford or a while. I think I should buy a shit-ton of full fat Fage and live off of that because it loves me and really keeps you full. Downside - EXPENSIVE AS FUCKKKK!
Also need to get back into looking at lots of thinspo, I seem to notice when I'm not actively looking at inspiration I fall off into my fat-people ways and eat shit. =/ Doesn't help either that hubby has been bringing home crap or wanting me to cook crap food. I think I should just go back to beef and broccoli every night hahaha, but then he'd want rice or noodles.... Again with the carbohydrates!!!
Halloween didn't help either because of trick-or-treating and sugar sugar sugar candy candy candy. BUT, I did NOT make yummies this year (cookies, Rice Krispy Treats, etc). So I'm kind of proud of that. =] But I DID raid my son's candy bag for "the good stuff". (Hershey's and Reeses) which I'm not proud of.
Also have not been paying enough attention to my studies at all. Which I'm actually supposed to be doing as I type right now because I haven't read my chapters and I have an exam TODAY that I have to finish before leaving for my dads in 6 hours. Crap.
So there's my update.
So yes I'm still on the juice and not eating a lot to cause real gains (minus last night because I ate a lot of Chinese pastries, giving me a 1.5 gain that might be gone tomorrow, depending if I keep eating crap today..)
I can't decide whether to just be in P3 or to keep trying to get myself back into P2 mode (NO CHEATINNNGGGG)
these past couple of seeks have been MEGGA hard because we've been MEGGGAAAA BROKE. So I've had to buy crap and eat crap because CRAP is all we've been able to afford. And seems to be all we're going to be able to afford or a while. I think I should buy a shit-ton of full fat Fage and live off of that because it loves me and really keeps you full. Downside - EXPENSIVE AS FUCKKKK!
Also need to get back into looking at lots of thinspo, I seem to notice when I'm not actively looking at inspiration I fall off into my fat-people ways and eat shit. =/ Doesn't help either that hubby has been bringing home crap or wanting me to cook crap food. I think I should just go back to beef and broccoli every night hahaha, but then he'd want rice or noodles.... Again with the carbohydrates!!!
Halloween didn't help either because of trick-or-treating and sugar sugar sugar candy candy candy. BUT, I did NOT make yummies this year (cookies, Rice Krispy Treats, etc). So I'm kind of proud of that. =] But I DID raid my son's candy bag for "the good stuff". (Hershey's and Reeses) which I'm not proud of.
Also have not been paying enough attention to my studies at all. Which I'm actually supposed to be doing as I type right now because I haven't read my chapters and I have an exam TODAY that I have to finish before leaving for my dads in 6 hours. Crap.
So there's my update.
9/22/11
Halloween Challenge VLCD 10
Down 1.5-2.5 today (depending on which weigh I take from yesterday) first weight was 239.5 and second was 238.5, now I'm 237.
Planning on doing P2 corrections/stall breakers for a week and see if it helps,if anything at least I basically have a meal plan for the week.
Today I'm doing a double protein day, using canned tuna (0g fat, 50 cals, 12g protein)
Tomorrow I'm going to do an egg white and protein shake day (3 egg whites for breakfast, protein shake for lunch and dinner)
Having a yard sale this weekend, will get rid of some of my son's old toys and clothes, should see if any of my fat clothes are not too torn up to sell, but I don't really have any so I guess I should skip that idea.
My Mom is visiting and so is TOM. So I'm pretty stressed, plus school and my cold.
I have a 5 paragraph essay to write for English class, and I don't even have any ideas!!!! It's like, find and article and argue with it, and the only sort of current events things I have an opinion about are immigration and there are a few "Hispanics" in my class that would probably have an issue with that.
Maybe I'll be able to find something, I'll have to check on Yahoo News. Maybe I could do it about HCG!!!
I've been vlogging and for some reason that has caused me to lack on my blogging, even though I prefer blogging...but if you want to catch up my vlogging is on YouTube, http://www.YouTube.com/queenrilly
Planning on doing P2 corrections/stall breakers for a week and see if it helps,if anything at least I basically have a meal plan for the week.
Today I'm doing a double protein day, using canned tuna (0g fat, 50 cals, 12g protein)
Tomorrow I'm going to do an egg white and protein shake day (3 egg whites for breakfast, protein shake for lunch and dinner)
Having a yard sale this weekend, will get rid of some of my son's old toys and clothes, should see if any of my fat clothes are not too torn up to sell, but I don't really have any so I guess I should skip that idea.
My Mom is visiting and so is TOM. So I'm pretty stressed, plus school and my cold.
I have a 5 paragraph essay to write for English class, and I don't even have any ideas!!!! It's like, find and article and argue with it, and the only sort of current events things I have an opinion about are immigration and there are a few "Hispanics" in my class that would probably have an issue with that.
Maybe I'll be able to find something, I'll have to check on Yahoo News. Maybe I could do it about HCG!!!
I've been vlogging and for some reason that has caused me to lack on my blogging, even though I prefer blogging...but if you want to catch up my vlogging is on YouTube, http://www.YouTube.com/queenrilly
9/5/11
Down 2#...again
So yesterday I was going to do an egg day, since that night when I had 3 beers an gained 4# back.
So I still have 3# to lose to get back to LIW.
I had a few eggs for breakfast (as I'm going to do today as well), a pretty good size steak for lunch, and went to a pool party for dinner and had chicken, guacamole, chips and salsa, crackers and brie, a slice of birthday cake, a couple of pork ribs, and 2 or 3 beers. And taadaa down 2#!
Today I'm not going to worry so much, I'm going to go to Cici's Pizza for lunch ($3 pizza buffet), I'll have my eggs for breakfast before we go, and then the pizza, - I'll attempt to take it easy on the bread - and for dinner I'll probably make some sort of beef stir-fry or steak tacos.
I don't know if I'll do a vlog tonight or not, or if I'll just wait and start doing them daily for my VLCDs next week. I need to call my friend so I can go pick up my HCG before this weekend as well. Because I totally space out this weekend and she went to work yesterday, so I don't know when she'll be home! Another girl is counting on us as well, because I was going to mix and set up her syringes for her, but I can't do all that until I get the stuff to do it with!!!
So I still have 3# to lose to get back to LIW.
I had a few eggs for breakfast (as I'm going to do today as well), a pretty good size steak for lunch, and went to a pool party for dinner and had chicken, guacamole, chips and salsa, crackers and brie, a slice of birthday cake, a couple of pork ribs, and 2 or 3 beers. And taadaa down 2#!
Today I'm not going to worry so much, I'm going to go to Cici's Pizza for lunch ($3 pizza buffet), I'll have my eggs for breakfast before we go, and then the pizza, - I'll attempt to take it easy on the bread - and for dinner I'll probably make some sort of beef stir-fry or steak tacos.
I don't know if I'll do a vlog tonight or not, or if I'll just wait and start doing them daily for my VLCDs next week. I need to call my friend so I can go pick up my HCG before this weekend as well. Because I totally space out this weekend and she went to work yesterday, so I don't know when she'll be home! Another girl is counting on us as well, because I was going to mix and set up her syringes for her, but I can't do all that until I get the stuff to do it with!!!
9/3/11
Beer is BAD
I had three pints of PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon) last night, and a pretty good amount of peanuts, and OVERNIGHT, GAINED 4LBS!!!
I was floored.
So I had Seafood pasta tonight and tomorrow I'm doing an egg day and this week I will be replacing meals with juicing.
There's my crappy update of the day lol.
I was floored.
So I had Seafood pasta tonight and tomorrow I'm doing an egg day and this week I will be replacing meals with juicing.
There's my crappy update of the day lol.
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