12/30/12 - Day before actual "LOAD"

I've decided to take my injections starting today so the HCG can be sure and get into my system. (I still have to get it out of the freezer but anyways...)
By Monday all the bad food should be completely out of my house (whether eaten or thrown out or given away, whatever.), and Monday I will start VLCDs.
So excited to be back on a strict 500kcal diet, you have no idea! This past week I have just been sick at the thought of food (and certain smells, and my cigarettes, making me wonder about pregnancy and contemplating suicide, lmfao jk don't get your panties in a bunch.) But for real, I refuse to accept pregnancy anymore, and I'm half-contemplating staying on hCG continuously until I reach goal, half hoping to build an immunity against it as a precaution against future pregnancy. (Yes, that's what immunity actually does, it causes you to have problems staying pregnant because your body sees the hCG and stuff "down there" as a threat. I.E: Can cause miscarriage.) I've decided as long as I'm with "hubby" I refuse to have any more children. I would like to find a mate that I am compatible and IN-LOVE WITH before I have another child(or children).

Moving on:

I'm really excited to start this new year with a fresh start and it's exciting that this will be my first ever "New Year's Resolution"!!!! So yeah, I'm pretty stoke about that anyways, and stoked to have so much to look forward to this year including my Las Vegas trip this summer with my other dieting girlfriends (by which time I should have hopefully at least reached 130 - 15lbs from my ultimate goal of 115).

I am sick of letting myself be mine own enemy and I refuse to let me sabotage myself. LOL. That sounds even crazier than all the things I've stated above, but it's true, I am my own worst enemy (besides the obvious fatness). I need to get busy today and this weekend and clean out all of my cupboards or eat all the bad shit for loading on Sunday (I think I'll just drink tomorrow haha...yeah I wish, I don't drink. =/ ) and On Monday all that should be left in my house is P2 foods!! I'm hoping - we're kind of broke until next week (7 Jan) so I'm going to make the best out of what we do have around the house - chicken and beef, possibly some broccoli, I think I have some frozen and canned veggies like peas and grean beans, even though those aren't P2, at least they're GREEN. I have my slide show thinspo going along on my computer background/wallpaper thingy, so everyday I am reminded about my goal and the fact that I really need to step it up the rest of this winter and for Spring and lose this fucking weight so I can be hot for the first time ever in time for summer!!! I mean, I'm fucking gorgeous, but I really need a body that fits my face like my mother has been telling me since I got fat when I was like 7-8. "You'd be so pretty if you lost some of that weight honey." Plus, if I'm ever going to go home to Idaho and see my Aunt & Uncle and my other Uncle and my skinny friggen metal-head cousins, I WANT TO BE FUCKING SKINNY. Especially to rub it in my Aunt's face that I'm not the fat one of the family anymore. I'm sick of being the fat one in the family, you know? I'm sick of her diet food and her "Why don't you join weight watchers, look how much I have lost!" Yeah, LADY you tend to fluctuate really badly with your weight, I FRIGGEN STABILIZE!!!! More proof that hCG is a life changer and even changes your metabolism so it actually WORKS!! <3 my hCG. 
While I'm still talking, does anyone else feel like they should become a laxative junkie? Like seriously. Sometimes it just doesn't come for days and you try everything you possibly can, extra fiber, upping the veggies, psyllium husk, skinny/poop tea, or WHATEVER, and it doesn't work!? I usually keep a bottle of that magnesium citrate stuff around (flavored epsom salt water) and it works withing like 30mins, or overnight/during the night if you drink it before bed. Without that shit sometimes I don't poo FOREVER. 

Does anyone know of a good detox? Like a pill or a fruit juice flush or whatever? Bah, I'm probably too lazy for all that anyways, I tried the juicing thing and it didn't make me poop or feel "young and refreshed and vibrant" or whatever those people and diet Nazis (yes I'm talking about some of you) say it does. at least with my reviews and experiences I'm honest. Not just going around saying the same thing everyone else does!

So I think I'm about done with my post for the day, about to scrounge up some thinspiration for the weekend. Many thanks to my new followers for your support!

Halloween Challenge VLCD 7 - SICK

Yes, I spent this weekend trying to "Miniload" and went out partying and having fun for the first time in almost 4 years.
Got up to 242.6 (from 237) and this morning I was 238 again. AND YESTERDAY I WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN! I had the never-ending pasta bowl!

I'm dead sick, and feel like crap, for info see ---> my VLOG <--- Click There

So today I've had the leftovers from OG, a 7oz full fat Fage, organic tortilla chips, and Campbell's chicken noodle soup. I'm going to have half a cantaloupe before bed to counteract the salt from the soup and hope all that crap doesn't hurt me too much, but I'm sick and when you're sick you want to be pampered.

I did go to Fry's and Whole Foods tonight and got some soups (broccoli and Portobello Mushrooms) and Coconut Flour to make P(technically 3) sticky rolls, that I'm going to make and eat tomorrow (would that count as part of a fat fast?) ...I bought some half and half just in case it would - cream costs too much.

I made some Choco D (cocoa crack) with peanut butter tonight. It was just like a dark chocolate Reeses! YUM.
I've been making Cocoa crack waaaay too well these past couple of weeks, I'm becoming addicted. And I don't even like it! lol. Maybe Tom is lurking somewhere, even though I thought he just left like the day I started Loading...a week ago.
Maybe it's jsut because I'm sick and feel like a giant baby.

Anyways it's jsut about bedtime so I better get going, sorry I've been MIA!!
School is kicking my ass!!!

P2

So I decided that I'm getting too fat again and jumped back into P2.
I just need to last on these pellets until I can get up to my dad's and get my HCG or until our shipment of HCG comes in down here. Then I'll be back on the real juice and get this weight off.
I would really like to get to at least 200# by the end of summer. I didn't make my 225 by July goal because I really got sick of dieting and needed a break, but BREAK IS OVER DAMNIT! SO I need to get my ass in gear and start getting this weight OFF!!!

I'm going to do a round until August 25th, go to P3 for 2 weeks and then MY CHALLENGE: The Skinnier By Halloween Challenge.
Skinnier By Halloween Challenge Timeframe:

LOADING - September 10th & 11th
VLCDs September 12th - October 5th
P3 - October 6th and through to Halloween

There are no protocol rules, do whatever you want with your HCG diet, this must be a NEW round, no using the challenge as an extension, and you have to update/post a scale picture everyday.

So, if I can make it to 200# by Halloween, not only will I be ECSTATIC, but I will actually buy either a skanky/girly Halloween costume, OR, I will buy clothes that can be made into a cute Halloween costume.
I usually just wear some raggy clothes and wear makeup and fake blood to look dead.

Also, I started a Food Blog: See Here, which is going to be put on a back burner, because as you know, you can't go out and EAT on HCG!!!! I'm going to try VERY HARD, to stick to 500 calories as close as possible....Which sometimes goes up to 650 depending on what I eat....But I'm going to try to stay as low as I can (closest to 500).

Day three of 4th of July Challenge - VLCD3

Down another 3.5! SO my loading weight is gone, plus 1 pound =] Back to 244.5!!!
definitely making this POP thing easier to handle. My losses are always really good until I give in and start mega-cheating though, so lets not jix it now. I'm feeling awesome about myself!!!

So for breakfast, I had my coffee smoothie thing, lol.. I hate coffee, but it helps me to make all my drinks into smoothies to get in all of my water for the day, and obviously, IT'S WORKING!!!

I had to re-calculate my weight to see how much per month I have to lose to even get into ONEderland, 21lbs per month!!!! (Ok, that calculation is actually to get to my lowest MINI-GOAL of 120), which I am sooooo DREAMING OF!!!
So I've wasted alot of time because last time I calculated, I think last month, I would have only had to lose 16lbs/month.
SO THERE YOU GO - PROOF THAT NOT ACTIVELY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT IS A WASTE OF TIME!!!! (when you're as heavy as I am at least)

I think for someone big like me a number is VERY HELPFUL just to be able to see what can be in the future. People are all psycho up on me when they hear my goal is 115. I'm 5'6" and I've had a body scan so I know exactly how tiny my bones are...SCARY. 115 is a number. I'll stop when I feel comfortable with my body. And when I blow all of those nay-sayers out of the water with my newfound BONES. I just want a peek, I know they're in there somewhere....At least I think they are...I've never even had a glimpse of them.
I don't want to be the fat friend. I want to be the skinny bitch that gets all the guys and free drinks. The girl that gets let into VIP just because she's HOT.
Yes, that's going to be me.



Ok I have to pee. AGAIN. Gotta love drinking almost a gallon of water every day.

Day 2 Update

Alright!!! Decided to make my ultimate goal even crazier, i.e.: 108-110LBS!!
That will put me at a UNDERWEIGHT BMI. Which I am paying no heed to, because the BMI is full of shit anyways.
Ok, honestly I'll just stop when I either get tired of dieting or fit into at least a size 5 pants. Which I'm guessing will be around 120lbs.

Also, hung up my ultimate goal Size 5 pants on the wall!
Which seems really weird to me, but I guess alot of people do it to "see" their goal for motivation.

Doing really good today,
Getting ready to have dinner pretty soon.
And I still have a fruit to eat!!

Day 1 Update

So I'm blogging right now to keep myself from going crazy and eating stuff I'm not supposed to.
This POP (perfectly on protocol) stuff is hard after you've been doing YOP (your own protocol) for so long! I better have a good loss in the morning, I feel like I'm suffering for no reason right now lol, mostly because of that 6lb loading gain!

I really want a piece of my sugarfree dark chocolate peppermint patties, but I won't. I'll keep trying to think of things to blabber on about until I go to bed! Ok, just kidding, I'm out of things to talk about right now.

*crosses fingers* Really, really, realllllly hoping for a good loss in the morning.

Of course I won't know because my scale battery went dead again!
Fuck.