Ughhhh I SUCKKK

So as you can tell from the title. I totally suck!!! I just can't seem to keep from eating. I don't think it's hunger, I think it's just because I can't have certain foods, or because I'm really bored and when I'm bored I eat everything in sight, or something. IDK, I have food issues. I just wish I had the type of issues that make me stay AWAY from food instead of eating the world's food supply!
So I'm back to 240 (I don't remember my weight from my last post, so I imagine that it was lower and I was on a better track than today). ANd I really wants to lose 20lbs this week (and bring myself down to 228 or so) but that doesn't look like it's happening. Of course I still have 5 days until the week is over on Sunday. Maybe this weekend in Las Vegas will drop me a few pounds? Last year when I went to Vegas I lost 10lbs! (Including all kinds of food and the "Buffet of Buffets!" 7 buffets for $50 in a 24hr period.) So I'm hoping for the best.
Honestly my plan for this trip is "eat nothing and and only drink vodka and diet soda". Which will save alot of money, but I think on the last day we'll get the "buffet of buffets" again and do our "tour of Vegas food" lol.
I think I wouldn't be so stressed if I at least got down a little before we leave on Friday night or Saturday morning.

I'm really tired of being fat and all of this failure is really taking its toll on my mental state. I'm really on the verge of a complete meltdown and for some reason nobody understands, not even my fellow dieters.
Maybe some of my Ana friends?
It shouldn't be this hard to get where I want to be. I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself. I hate my fat.