12/30/12 - Day before actual "LOAD"

I've decided to take my injections starting today so the HCG can be sure and get into my system. (I still have to get it out of the freezer but anyways...)
By Monday all the bad food should be completely out of my house (whether eaten or thrown out or given away, whatever.), and Monday I will start VLCDs.
So excited to be back on a strict 500kcal diet, you have no idea! This past week I have just been sick at the thought of food (and certain smells, and my cigarettes, making me wonder about pregnancy and contemplating suicide, lmfao jk don't get your panties in a bunch.) But for real, I refuse to accept pregnancy anymore, and I'm half-contemplating staying on hCG continuously until I reach goal, half hoping to build an immunity against it as a precaution against future pregnancy. (Yes, that's what immunity actually does, it causes you to have problems staying pregnant because your body sees the hCG and stuff "down there" as a threat. I.E: Can cause miscarriage.) I've decided as long as I'm with "hubby" I refuse to have any more children. I would like to find a mate that I am compatible and IN-LOVE WITH before I have another child(or children).

Moving on:

I'm really excited to start this new year with a fresh start and it's exciting that this will be my first ever "New Year's Resolution"!!!! So yeah, I'm pretty stoke about that anyways, and stoked to have so much to look forward to this year including my Las Vegas trip this summer with my other dieting girlfriends (by which time I should have hopefully at least reached 130 - 15lbs from my ultimate goal of 115).

I am sick of letting myself be mine own enemy and I refuse to let me sabotage myself. LOL. That sounds even crazier than all the things I've stated above, but it's true, I am my own worst enemy (besides the obvious fatness). I need to get busy today and this weekend and clean out all of my cupboards or eat all the bad shit for loading on Sunday (I think I'll just drink tomorrow haha...yeah I wish, I don't drink. =/ ) and On Monday all that should be left in my house is P2 foods!! I'm hoping - we're kind of broke until next week (7 Jan) so I'm going to make the best out of what we do have around the house - chicken and beef, possibly some broccoli, I think I have some frozen and canned veggies like peas and grean beans, even though those aren't P2, at least they're GREEN. I have my slide show thinspo going along on my computer background/wallpaper thingy, so everyday I am reminded about my goal and the fact that I really need to step it up the rest of this winter and for Spring and lose this fucking weight so I can be hot for the first time ever in time for summer!!! I mean, I'm fucking gorgeous, but I really need a body that fits my face like my mother has been telling me since I got fat when I was like 7-8. "You'd be so pretty if you lost some of that weight honey." Plus, if I'm ever going to go home to Idaho and see my Aunt & Uncle and my other Uncle and my skinny friggen metal-head cousins, I WANT TO BE FUCKING SKINNY. Especially to rub it in my Aunt's face that I'm not the fat one of the family anymore. I'm sick of being the fat one in the family, you know? I'm sick of her diet food and her "Why don't you join weight watchers, look how much I have lost!" Yeah, LADY you tend to fluctuate really badly with your weight, I FRIGGEN STABILIZE!!!! More proof that hCG is a life changer and even changes your metabolism so it actually WORKS!! <3 my hCG. 
While I'm still talking, does anyone else feel like they should become a laxative junkie? Like seriously. Sometimes it just doesn't come for days and you try everything you possibly can, extra fiber, upping the veggies, psyllium husk, skinny/poop tea, or WHATEVER, and it doesn't work!? I usually keep a bottle of that magnesium citrate stuff around (flavored epsom salt water) and it works withing like 30mins, or overnight/during the night if you drink it before bed. Without that shit sometimes I don't poo FOREVER. 

Does anyone know of a good detox? Like a pill or a fruit juice flush or whatever? Bah, I'm probably too lazy for all that anyways, I tried the juicing thing and it didn't make me poop or feel "young and refreshed and vibrant" or whatever those people and diet Nazis (yes I'm talking about some of you) say it does. at least with my reviews and experiences I'm honest. Not just going around saying the same thing everyone else does!

So I think I'm about done with my post for the day, about to scrounge up some thinspiration for the weekend. Many thanks to my new followers for your support!

Getting Ready for New Years!

Finding it really hard not to inject myself and start the round already, but I will wait until the weekend to load... -whine whine whine-

I'm actually down 1.5lbs today so I'm 243.5lbs. This is still what 8lbs above my LIW? Not something to brag about, but I didn't gain a ton of weight, just about 1lb/day for a week (average). That I can live with, I don't want to think about the fact that I actually put on those pounds since like Thursday or something.

So, I've decided I'm going to attempt to get a goal in of 40lbs every 40 days (1lb/day ave) if I can, I don't know it that's what my actual "goal" I had written up looked like or not, but I figure some people can do it and maybe I can, hCG is a miraculous thing afterall, IDK if it's THAT miraculous though haha...
Let's see that would change my goals to about:
End of these months:
Jan: 210
Feb: 194
Apr: 151
June: Ultimate Goal Weight (120-114.5)
Skinny by Summer!

Of course this is a stretch, so I'll think about the 1lb/day, but stick with my originaly goal by July of like 130.

I just need to stay focused on losing and not lose sight of that!!!
I need to cut my crap and stop fucking cheating and being a fatass. I have to do this, and if I don't get it finished by Vegas I will end up giving up and getting fucking mammoth-sized again.
I need to set my mini goals and stick to them this time.
Weekly goals even, maybe 10lbs the first week of a round, 6lbs weekly thereafter. That's at least 28lbs/month. With 4 active months of losing that would bring me down to 130 like is my goal. So I have to keep those things in sight or I'll spin out of control.

It's a new year, I need to be better and have more control!!!!

Thinspo:

Christmas Day 2011

So I thought I should update for today, I am 10lbs over my LIW of 235.5, I thoguht it was 7 but I think that was yesterday. I don't even want to think about what tomorrow's weight will be like but it's whatever, holidays are finally over (besides New Years), and this week I'm going to be working on (eating everything in the house) cleaning out the cupboards full of carbs and starting anew for the new year!

Today I had prime rib, mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese, choco-chip cookies, cake, fudge, and .... i don't know. I didn't eat alot altogether but I'm sure it will add up especially since I had some soda and for some reason soda has been making me gain the most over this past week.

Anywys I wanted to take a minute and wish the world a Merry Christmas! Hope you all had a great holiday and enjoy the rest of the week.

Christmas

Merry Christmas!!!!

Let's Make It A Skinny New Year!!!!

2012 GOALS

2012 Rounds:

(End of these months)

1 - January: 210lbs
2 - February: 195lbs
(March is P3 and ending with P2)
3 - April: 165lbs

(May is P2 all the way through - 43 day round)

4 - June: 135lbs
July: 130lbs at end of P3 - Beginning P4 - Life Maintenance

So this doesn't get me completely to goal, but hopefully I'll be happy in the 130s, if not I can always change my mind and do one last round before maintaining.
This is just a rough estimate of my goals for this year, but I feel that having it written down will make me stick to the plan better.

Count Down: 8 days until my next round!

I just thought I would stop in and say HIIIIII =]
Also, I wanted to remind people that I am 22 years old and therefore I'm allowed to have a super low goal weight! (114.5-120; though I would be happy with 110 so I have sort of a weight-gain buffer.) I tend to get a few people who are "worried" about my goal weight, but honestly it's a healthy goal, about a size 0-5 with my body, but who knows: Maybe I'll be happy with myself before I get to those "goal" numbers!
I am very happy to have my "Alternative" friends with whom I have a completely supportive relationship no matter how fat or tiny we want to be in the end, or the reasons we're trying to get there. We may not always agree, but we're always supportive, some of you people out there making judgments need to take other peoples' views into consideration. I might give you shit, but I never judge.

So, in 8 days I start my new, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION CHALLENGE! 
(which I still have to start writing up the spreadsheet for...)
 I'm hoping to finally get out of the 200s by the end of February, which is a goal I know my awesome friends are going to help me achieve. I should have technically been done for good by NOW, but for the past almost 6 months I've just been fucking around and staying around the same weight, yeah I've lost about 15lbs since June, but I should have been able to at least lose 100lbs ( 15lbs/month). So I'm kind of kicking myself right now and thinking of myself as a failure, I know I need to get my head out of that kind of thinking though.
So I should probably write up a goal sheet for 2012 and I will get to that in another post after I publish this one. I'm hoping to be at GOAL GOAL by the time the girls and I leave for Las Vegas in July for our HCG girls "bachelorette" party haha. I don't want to feel like a failure anymore, I want to get this weight off and find something else to obsess over that isn't so depressing.

Christmas - FAIL - Waiting for New Years!

So a round before Xmas was apparently not the best idea, actually I've learned a very good lesson just in case I'm still dieting towards Halloween next year 2012, DO NOT DIET AROUND HALLOWEEN OR AFTER!!! lmao.
I seem to be stabilized around 238 so that's fine except that I'm 9lbs above my lowest weight from the Halloween Challenge.. Ok technically over that even since I did get down to 225.5, but we'll stick with the 229.5 lol since it makes me feel better about my gain.

We are starting a New Years Challenge Dec 30-Jan 1(load days) for 21+ days, so I'm going to completely clean out the house and make this round count and get fucking skinny like I should already be right now instead of still being a fatass. If I didn't fuck around and be so naughty I could have made goal already and be wearing those fucking size 5 skinny jeans I have hanging on my bedroom wall that hubby's neice gave me.

Oh well. I still have until July (when the girls and I are going to Las Vegas together) to get spine skinny and ready for bikinis and daquiris, so hopefully I'll stop fucking around this year.
This will be my first time ever making a New Year's Resolution, let alone a NYR for DIETING! I'm not really a resolution sort of person, but it's time for a fucking change and I love the confidence I gain as I look healthier and less....StayPuft. Lol.

I'm going to be looking at more thinspiration like I used to, hoping this will keep me on task since I used to do alot better when I was actively looking at and posting thinspo.
I'm also going to try to keep up with updates on here and also with video updates on YouTube.

Wish me luck, and I hope you all have a not so naughty Christmas, and a skinny fucking New Year!!!