-2lbs this morning. Less than I wanted but as to be expected because I ate a few too many bites of my son's hotdogs yesterday, also, I'm going to stick to 2 protein shakes because I don't think 3 works for me.
I've gotten my sleep back to "normal", which still isn't actually normal because I've been going to bed between 7-9pm and waking at 3-4am. WAY TOO EARLY! Somehow I've got to train myself to sleep-in now. The longer I'm awake the more I want to eat and even if one shake lasts me an hour or two, that's not enough to last for the whole day.
I've been dreaming about my weight-loss again, I can't believe its possible for me to get to 210 by July.
I know 210 is still an extremely high weight, but you have to remember, I haven't weighed 209-210 since 8th grade (12 years old), that's 10 years! And to think I can backtrack all that weight in a few months.
It's really a miracle.
Plus, I'll only have 96lbs more to lose. =D
My weight calculator thingy says I could poccibly be at goal by next May!
Imagine. Over 130lbs in less than a year!
Of course the biggest motivator is looking at clothes.
I just imagine all the pretty clothes and shoes I'll get to wear, WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT SOMETHING'S GOING TO FIT!
My Journey Using HCG & Other Weight Loss Methods
I'm always open for help and ideas so don't be afraid to comment!
5/11/11
5/9/11
R3D1 LOAD
250 today, which is ok because its within the 2lbs allowed to maintain.
Loading today and back on hCG, starting VLC tomorrow, using protein shakes and fruit in place of meat meals.
I actually love my protein shakes, I feel like I get more variety aswell, because I can add pretty much anything (fruits, & flavors [like cocoa powder]). I have Body Fortress 100% Whey, in vanilla flavor, for one scoop it's 26g of protein. And it's yummy, sweet enough on its own but I add Truvia when I have slightly sour strawberries, or when I make a chocolate shake with my cocoa powder.
I think I might switch out my daily piece of bacon for a tabelspoon of coconut oil, for my fat intake (because the fat seems to soothe my stomach if I feel sick from my vitamins). And it sometimes helps losses.
So I've been thinking about weight loss, and how I seem to be getting addicted to it.
I'm also thinking how easy it seems to be to switch between eating disorders (EDs), like I'm sure at some point (probably still) I have an OED (over-eating disorder).
I'm finding it amazing how I can be going from over-eating to practically eating nothing (compared to most people), without noticing/feeling a difference besides the fact that if I eat too much I get sick.
And I LOVEEEE seeing the numbers on the scale just DROP.
I love knowing that its completely possible that I will be 140lbs lighter in just about a year. (Less if I lose at the rate I'm hoping for - .5-1lb/day)
140 pounds! That's an entire person! (who's probably overweight)
Its the best motivation besides looking at pictures of skinny people and being like, "I am so going to be that skinny". Or at some of them I'm even like wow she's fat, I'm going to be skinnier than her. AND KNOW ITS POSSIBLE. Plus, I'm very excited that unlike so many people, I'm not going to be starving myself to get there.
So I went from fat chick to weight loss addict, and I'm almost afraid I'm never going to be skinny enough to be happy. I feel like I'm always only going to see myself at this weight, or rather, the weight I was before the 23lbs I lost. Hell, I still remember when I was 17 and like 290lbs! I know I will never actually look my real weight, I'll always technically look smaller because I'm built well, but I still just see the numbers.
Part of my obsession for losing weight has to be because of going clothes shopping.
There's nothing in the world (for me) that's worse than going to a store and trying on EVERYTHING that looks even close to decent, only to find out nothing in the store will even go on (pants-wise), or that my leg's going to get stuck right after I get my calf through the thigh part of the pant leg, even though the waist would fit fine.
There's nothing more depressing than having to cry in a dressing room because you can't fit into anything and you never will.
Hell, heartbreak is easier to go through. At least heartbreak is normal.
Anyways those are my thoughts for today.
I feel like no-one thinks to remember that being fat is a disease and over-eating is a disorder.
Eating disorders aren't just for skinny people, and they don't all mean you're starving yourself to death. You can also eat yourself to death.
Luckily for me, food wasn't my only addiction and fat wasn't my only problem.
And disorders and addictions just rotate to fit your brains way of thinking; when you're fat you want to be skinny, but think you never will be so you eat more out of depression and hopelessness; when you're skinny you think you should be skinnier so you eat less and less or nothing at all.
There was always something underlying that made you that way in the first place. Abuse, depression, addiction, and striving for perfection due to those factors, because all make you feel hopeless, unwanted, and ugly.
We're all in it together and we should all support each other.
Will update tomorrow on how my load day went, and I will be very happy to get back to 500cals/day!
I feel like I've been stuffing myself all week to maintain my weight at 249.
I am starting to hate food. Everything I eat feels too dense and like it just sits around in my stomach like a blob. Like I ate too much, even though my meals are now to like 300-400 cals, which is normal for a 1200cal/day diet.
Loading today and back on hCG, starting VLC tomorrow, using protein shakes and fruit in place of meat meals.
I actually love my protein shakes, I feel like I get more variety aswell, because I can add pretty much anything (fruits, & flavors [like cocoa powder]). I have Body Fortress 100% Whey, in vanilla flavor, for one scoop it's 26g of protein. And it's yummy, sweet enough on its own but I add Truvia when I have slightly sour strawberries, or when I make a chocolate shake with my cocoa powder.
I think I might switch out my daily piece of bacon for a tabelspoon of coconut oil, for my fat intake (because the fat seems to soothe my stomach if I feel sick from my vitamins). And it sometimes helps losses.
So I've been thinking about weight loss, and how I seem to be getting addicted to it.
I'm also thinking how easy it seems to be to switch between eating disorders (EDs), like I'm sure at some point (probably still) I have an OED (over-eating disorder).
I'm finding it amazing how I can be going from over-eating to practically eating nothing (compared to most people), without noticing/feeling a difference besides the fact that if I eat too much I get sick.
And I LOVEEEE seeing the numbers on the scale just DROP.
I love knowing that its completely possible that I will be 140lbs lighter in just about a year. (Less if I lose at the rate I'm hoping for - .5-1lb/day)
140 pounds! That's an entire person! (who's probably overweight)
Its the best motivation besides looking at pictures of skinny people and being like, "I am so going to be that skinny". Or at some of them I'm even like wow she's fat, I'm going to be skinnier than her. AND KNOW ITS POSSIBLE. Plus, I'm very excited that unlike so many people, I'm not going to be starving myself to get there.
So I went from fat chick to weight loss addict, and I'm almost afraid I'm never going to be skinny enough to be happy. I feel like I'm always only going to see myself at this weight, or rather, the weight I was before the 23lbs I lost. Hell, I still remember when I was 17 and like 290lbs! I know I will never actually look my real weight, I'll always technically look smaller because I'm built well, but I still just see the numbers.
Part of my obsession for losing weight has to be because of going clothes shopping.
There's nothing in the world (for me) that's worse than going to a store and trying on EVERYTHING that looks even close to decent, only to find out nothing in the store will even go on (pants-wise), or that my leg's going to get stuck right after I get my calf through the thigh part of the pant leg, even though the waist would fit fine.
There's nothing more depressing than having to cry in a dressing room because you can't fit into anything and you never will.
Hell, heartbreak is easier to go through. At least heartbreak is normal.
Anyways those are my thoughts for today.
I feel like no-one thinks to remember that being fat is a disease and over-eating is a disorder.
Eating disorders aren't just for skinny people, and they don't all mean you're starving yourself to death. You can also eat yourself to death.
Luckily for me, food wasn't my only addiction and fat wasn't my only problem.
And disorders and addictions just rotate to fit your brains way of thinking; when you're fat you want to be skinny, but think you never will be so you eat more out of depression and hopelessness; when you're skinny you think you should be skinnier so you eat less and less or nothing at all.
There was always something underlying that made you that way in the first place. Abuse, depression, addiction, and striving for perfection due to those factors, because all make you feel hopeless, unwanted, and ugly.
We're all in it together and we should all support each other.
Will update tomorrow on how my load day went, and I will be very happy to get back to 500cals/day!
I feel like I've been stuffing myself all week to maintain my weight at 249.
I am starting to hate food. Everything I eat feels too dense and like it just sits around in my stomach like a blob. Like I ate too much, even though my meals are now to like 300-400 cals, which is normal for a 1200cal/day diet.
5/8/11
P3D5
I don't know about my weight today since I didn't go to sleep last night and only took a nap or two today.
If I had to go by my weight after a nap, then I gained 2lbs. But since I haven't slept, that isn't accurate.
I mixed my hCG tonight so I'm going to cycle back to P2 already, and load tomorrow.
Then on Tuesday will be my first day of VLC with only protein shakes and fruit, with vitamins and supplements.
Going by the results of one woman who lost 20.4lbs on W1 of P2 by only drinking protein shakes 3x/day, I figure my loses will be a little slower than that (due to fruit and my daily slice of bacon), but will be quite similar, so I should be able to get to goal (225) by the end of this P2 (R3P2), but because that's a small amount over 1lb/day, I won't be bummed if I don't make it. Any losses are good ones. =)
I'm just glad I found a way to lose weight in the first place.
As long as I keep going down I'm happy with that.
As for hCG, I'm planning on buying 5 vials at the end of this week for $70, and 5 vials later when I can get the money, so I never have to stop. And if this round seems to be going well I might just make it a long round. It would be !AWESOME¡ if I could lose 40lbs in 40 days, that would be 209 before the end of June, which would be almost halfway to my absolute goal.
As you can see, I'm excited, and who wouldn't be?
I've already lost as much as my son weighs, and he isn't fun to carry around. The weight of a car tire. WOW.
On my P3s I am going to do some exercising, using my Wave, and my Wii game "Shape Up W/ Jenny McCarthy". It's actually a really annoying game but it's fun in its own way. The Wave is a BLAST and it worked every muscle in your body, super fun and makes you sore in the morning.
Has anyone noticed my new "Summer-y" blog layout?
Well, I think it's fun,
I hope the font color is readable, it's the best I could choose from.
If I had to go by my weight after a nap, then I gained 2lbs. But since I haven't slept, that isn't accurate.
I mixed my hCG tonight so I'm going to cycle back to P2 already, and load tomorrow.
Then on Tuesday will be my first day of VLC with only protein shakes and fruit, with vitamins and supplements.
Going by the results of one woman who lost 20.4lbs on W1 of P2 by only drinking protein shakes 3x/day, I figure my loses will be a little slower than that (due to fruit and my daily slice of bacon), but will be quite similar, so I should be able to get to goal (225) by the end of this P2 (R3P2), but because that's a small amount over 1lb/day, I won't be bummed if I don't make it. Any losses are good ones. =)
I'm just glad I found a way to lose weight in the first place.
As long as I keep going down I'm happy with that.
As for hCG, I'm planning on buying 5 vials at the end of this week for $70, and 5 vials later when I can get the money, so I never have to stop. And if this round seems to be going well I might just make it a long round. It would be !AWESOME¡ if I could lose 40lbs in 40 days, that would be 209 before the end of June, which would be almost halfway to my absolute goal.
As you can see, I'm excited, and who wouldn't be?
I've already lost as much as my son weighs, and he isn't fun to carry around. The weight of a car tire. WOW.
On my P3s I am going to do some exercising, using my Wave, and my Wii game "Shape Up W/ Jenny McCarthy". It's actually a really annoying game but it's fun in its own way. The Wave is a BLAST and it worked every muscle in your body, super fun and makes you sore in the morning.
Has anyone noticed my new "Summer-y" blog layout?
Well, I think it's fun,
I hope the font color is readable, it's the best I could choose from.
5/7/11
P3D4
.5 gain, no biggie because its beneath 2lbs seeing as how I'm supposed to be maintaining.
Today I've had around 1220 calories.
I had beef fajitas, (a small piece of pizza), protein shake w/cocoa and strawberries, and part of a salad with a piece of bacon.
I've also been exercising (shape up on the wii and my wave/videos) these past couple of days. My legs hurt buy I love to exercise its fun. And I have one more week of P3 to exercise more until P2 again.
Will finish writing later.
I'm being forced to go to my boyfriend's friend's house in north scottsdale.
Ok - 3 hours later -
So I ate a chocolate chip cookie, but that's all, which is good because they had pizza and chips everywhere. No question why that girl is overweight, everything at her house is either prcoess or sugar. At least she has a boyfriend now, that kind of wanes my thoughts of her being a stripper/hooker, now she's just a stripper. (I don't mean that badly, it's her job, even if she graduated from college and is still doing it...)
Actually I've been talking to my boyfriend, I might take some of those *lap dance exercise classes* and be a stripper when I get skinny. His friend (the aforementioned stripper) makes up to $3k/night! Hell yes! I could send my son to that Chinese speaking daycare we wanted and when he's old enough - PRIVATE SCHOOL! And I can go to any college I can get into (within means).
Its an exciting thought, especially when you weren't. Brainwashed into thinking all strippers are dirty trash whores. There are a LOT of NICE NICE clubs out there. (With RICH RICH guys) and most don't allow complete nudity anymore.
So now I'm hunkering down on the couch, watching Numb3rs (I'm almost done with all the seasons/episodes on Netflix). David Krumholtz is so cute, I've had a crush on him since the first Santa Clause came out, but he definitely looks cuter when he has longer hair. I have a thing for "Jew Hair" on guys lol.
I must be good on drinking my water since I've been running to the bathroom all night.
I'll exercise when I start to feel tired so I stay awake today. I'm tired of sleeping in the day time.
Today I've had around 1220 calories.
I had beef fajitas, (a small piece of pizza), protein shake w/cocoa and strawberries, and part of a salad with a piece of bacon.
I've also been exercising (shape up on the wii and my wave/videos) these past couple of days. My legs hurt buy I love to exercise its fun. And I have one more week of P3 to exercise more until P2 again.
Will finish writing later.
I'm being forced to go to my boyfriend's friend's house in north scottsdale.
Ok - 3 hours later -
So I ate a chocolate chip cookie, but that's all, which is good because they had pizza and chips everywhere. No question why that girl is overweight, everything at her house is either prcoess or sugar. At least she has a boyfriend now, that kind of wanes my thoughts of her being a stripper/hooker, now she's just a stripper. (I don't mean that badly, it's her job, even if she graduated from college and is still doing it...)
Actually I've been talking to my boyfriend, I might take some of those *lap dance exercise classes* and be a stripper when I get skinny. His friend (the aforementioned stripper) makes up to $3k/night! Hell yes! I could send my son to that Chinese speaking daycare we wanted and when he's old enough - PRIVATE SCHOOL! And I can go to any college I can get into (within means).
Its an exciting thought, especially when you weren't. Brainwashed into thinking all strippers are dirty trash whores. There are a LOT of NICE NICE clubs out there. (With RICH RICH guys) and most don't allow complete nudity anymore.
So now I'm hunkering down on the couch, watching Numb3rs (I'm almost done with all the seasons/episodes on Netflix). David Krumholtz is so cute, I've had a crush on him since the first Santa Clause came out, but he definitely looks cuter when he has longer hair. I have a thing for "Jew Hair" on guys lol.
I must be good on drinking my water since I've been running to the bathroom all night.
I'll exercise when I start to feel tired so I stay awake today. I'm tired of sleeping in the day time.
5/6/11
P3D2
Here's a picture I took on Monday to show my 13.5lb loss.
It doesn't look like I lost at all. Ok maybe a little. But I expected more of a difference.
I gained 2lbs from my pizza binge last night.
So I did a steak day today for a total of 469cals.
A steak day is comprised of fasting all day (water only) until dinner, where you have a large steak (6oz for me), and a large apple or tomato (I only had tomatoes so that's what I had).
I also went and made a bunch of meal plans to keep myself on track and restricting calories between 600-900/day.
I am not going to fuck up again. I want to be skinny. Why do I keep sabotaging myself?
At this rate (losing 2.3-3lbs/week) I should be to my goal by May 2012. I don't want it to take longer than that! That's already an entire year!
I know, compared to being fat my entire life it's nothing, but I'm tired of being fat and I'm only getting older. I want to get skinny while I still look good.
And it would be nice to be down another 20lbs by July so I can fit into my "skinny pants", lol yeah, size 18 in American eagle is skinny to me. See why I want to turn into a stick figure instantly?
No instead I have one more year of looking in the mirror at a fat ass.
Luckily I just noticed my face is starting to look normal (skinny) again. Its really nice to start looking like myself (pre-baby weight) and not some blob person.
Well tomorrow will tell how that steak day treated me, and tomorrow I'm also back to protein shakes, fruit, and weighing what meat I do I eat.
It doesn't look like I lost at all. Ok maybe a little. But I expected more of a difference.
I gained 2lbs from my pizza binge last night.
So I did a steak day today for a total of 469cals.
A steak day is comprised of fasting all day (water only) until dinner, where you have a large steak (6oz for me), and a large apple or tomato (I only had tomatoes so that's what I had).
I also went and made a bunch of meal plans to keep myself on track and restricting calories between 600-900/day.
I am not going to fuck up again. I want to be skinny. Why do I keep sabotaging myself?
At this rate (losing 2.3-3lbs/week) I should be to my goal by May 2012. I don't want it to take longer than that! That's already an entire year!
I know, compared to being fat my entire life it's nothing, but I'm tired of being fat and I'm only getting older. I want to get skinny while I still look good.
And it would be nice to be down another 20lbs by July so I can fit into my "skinny pants", lol yeah, size 18 in American eagle is skinny to me. See why I want to turn into a stick figure instantly?
No instead I have one more year of looking in the mirror at a fat ass.
Luckily I just noticed my face is starting to look normal (skinny) again. Its really nice to start looking like myself (pre-baby weight) and not some blob person.
Well tomorrow will tell how that steak day treated me, and tomorrow I'm also back to protein shakes, fruit, and weighing what meat I do I eat.
5/4/11
P3 D1
Right, well, I feel like a mega fatass. I totally binged on pizza.
I ate 2 little chicken things (574cal total), 2 pieces of bacon (50cal total), half a tuna sand (100cal), and half of a cheese pizza (1180cal, yeah yeah not p3 I know bite me you goodie goodie).
I probably won't gain anything tomorrow, but from now on I'm just going to up my protein shakes and add fruits and veggies.
My stomach is hurting sooooo bad right now. I feel like puking.
I'm never eating that much ever again!
I was at same weight today as yesterday so that's good, now I just have to keep it there.
I can't wait to start P2 again on the 16th.
I ate 2 little chicken things (574cal total), 2 pieces of bacon (50cal total), half a tuna sand (100cal), and half of a cheese pizza (1180cal, yeah yeah not p3 I know bite me you goodie goodie).
I probably won't gain anything tomorrow, but from now on I'm just going to up my protein shakes and add fruits and veggies.
My stomach is hurting sooooo bad right now. I feel like puking.
I'm never eating that much ever again!
I was at same weight today as yesterday so that's good, now I just have to keep it there.
I can't wait to start P2 again on the 16th.
5/2/11
VLCD20; DAY 1 NO HCG
I'm down 2lbs today!
I had 2 pieces of bacon (100cal), an orange (47), strawberries (13), and 1/2 each of three protein shakes (210), for a grand total of 370cals.
Thanks to HCG I was actually getting more like 2370.
I've decided to cycle since the last time I wrote.
Cycling means you switch back and forth between P2 and P3 without P4 until you're done losing weight.
Its to help keep your head in the game and be able to handle the limit of food choice for however long you do the diet. (You can do say 2-3 weeks of hcg w/diet and then take a break from both [p3] for 4 days-3 weeks)
Which makes it easier to stick to the diet and overall, to finish with the weightloss.
Today I felt sick when I took my vitamins and supplements so I ate an orange (47), it got worse, so I ate a piece of bologna (110) and I'm feeling great, the fat content helps.
So, so far today I'm at 157cals.
My friend Cat and I are cycling together (though she has a lot less to lose) and its really helping to have such a great buddy to compete/compare/and confide in/with.
I'm super excited about the diet now (like I was the first time I did it) and I've started a journal/notebook with notes and stuff (a lot of it I shouldn't talk about since its pretty pro-skinny/ana), I have inspirational quotes and tips on staying full so I don't cheat anymore, I want to lose as much as possible and that means....dun dun dun....NO MORE CHEATING APRIL!
The pro-skinny stuff really helps because basically it's the same sort of diet, but I have a bigger advantage thanks to the HCG, so instead of the amount of calories I'm eating, my body is using 2000 from my body fat.
But all the tips on avoiding food that's not allowed is very helpful and will be even more awesome when I start P2 again in a week or two.
On Wednesday I get to eat again. Well at least everything except sugar and starch, you know, carbs, which I don't usually eat anyways.
I'm glad I found this diet because my normal eating is around 1200-1500 calories/day and according to experts and everything that should be enough to lose weight. That's barely my maintainance amount of calories apparently.
My metabolism must be really effed up.
Thankfully this diet should reset it all so I can eat normally and lose weight like a normal human.
Ok I've definitely blabbed on long enough for today so I'll try to remember to write sooner than later.
=) have a great day and get skinny!
I had 2 pieces of bacon (100cal), an orange (47), strawberries (13), and 1/2 each of three protein shakes (210), for a grand total of 370cals.
Thanks to HCG I was actually getting more like 2370.
I've decided to cycle since the last time I wrote.
Cycling means you switch back and forth between P2 and P3 without P4 until you're done losing weight.
Its to help keep your head in the game and be able to handle the limit of food choice for however long you do the diet. (You can do say 2-3 weeks of hcg w/diet and then take a break from both [p3] for 4 days-3 weeks)
Which makes it easier to stick to the diet and overall, to finish with the weightloss.
Today I felt sick when I took my vitamins and supplements so I ate an orange (47), it got worse, so I ate a piece of bologna (110) and I'm feeling great, the fat content helps.
So, so far today I'm at 157cals.
My friend Cat and I are cycling together (though she has a lot less to lose) and its really helping to have such a great buddy to compete/compare/and confide in/with.
I'm super excited about the diet now (like I was the first time I did it) and I've started a journal/notebook with notes and stuff (a lot of it I shouldn't talk about since its pretty pro-skinny/ana), I have inspirational quotes and tips on staying full so I don't cheat anymore, I want to lose as much as possible and that means....dun dun dun....NO MORE CHEATING APRIL!
The pro-skinny stuff really helps because basically it's the same sort of diet, but I have a bigger advantage thanks to the HCG, so instead of the amount of calories I'm eating, my body is using 2000 from my body fat.
But all the tips on avoiding food that's not allowed is very helpful and will be even more awesome when I start P2 again in a week or two.
On Wednesday I get to eat again. Well at least everything except sugar and starch, you know, carbs, which I don't usually eat anyways.
I'm glad I found this diet because my normal eating is around 1200-1500 calories/day and according to experts and everything that should be enough to lose weight. That's barely my maintainance amount of calories apparently.
My metabolism must be really effed up.
Thankfully this diet should reset it all so I can eat normally and lose weight like a normal human.
Ok I've definitely blabbed on long enough for today so I'll try to remember to write sooner than later.
=) have a great day and get skinny!
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